


Lion's heart

by UndeadFae



Category: Inazuma Eleven
Genre: Angst, FMA AU, Human Transmutation, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Not Beta Read, characters will be tagged as it goes on, slowburn, technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 34,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26336269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UndeadFae/pseuds/UndeadFae
Summary: It was supposed to be a simple scouting mission, nothing more. Of all the things Genda expected, the stranger hiding in the decaying, abandoned house certainly wasn't one of them. What came out of helping him wasn't something he expected either.
Relationships: Genda Koujirou/Sakuma Jirou
Comments: 44
Kudos: 22





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> AND IT'S FINALLY HERE!!
> 
> I've been writing this one fic since april!! I kept working on it bit by bit while working on Made an animal and I can say I'm SO excited for this one. I thought it might've been just a short fic at first, maybe a couple of chapters at most, but... *gestures at chapter number* yeah, that didn't happen. Good news are, this fic is 100% done already by now! Which means I'll be able to easily keep up its update schedule as I don't have anything else to write. So no pauses, no long waits or hiatuses- it's all done and ready to post :) I gotta say I'm pretty happy with myself for managing that, it kind of was my goal with my previous multichapter, but then I got too excited with that one to wait before posting it.
> 
> Anyways- this will follow the same update schedule as before, so expect regular updates on mondays and fridays, I hope you'll look forward to that!! Alright, that's all now, please enjoy and leave a kudo or a comment if you liked it! It really helps.

Parking his bike and turning off the engine, Genda took off his helmet and looked around.

His mission was simple. Check out the area for the so called signs of dangerous people the civilians of the nearby town had found and arrest any suspicious person. He just sighed as he glanced at the woods and decaying houses. As likely as it was for a criminal to be hiding in there… it was just as likely to be someone desperate to survive. He couldn’t just go and hurt someone trying their hardest to stay alive.

His trek through the woods took some time, eventually leading him to find one of many old houses, abandoned for some time. He had quite the work ahead of him now.

Thoroughly checking a few of the decaying buildings showed no results. He genuinely hoped nothing else would come out of this, unwilling to get in a fight with anyone for all the wrong reasons.

Then, he moved onto the next house. Part of the roof collapsed some time ago, the windows were all broken, dust and cobwebs covered the place, paint peeling away and walls looking ready to crumble.

After a few attempts, he managed to push the door open, covering his mouth and nose until the dust settled. Once it looked safe, he stepped in, looking around for any sign of danger before moving on, walking through the rooms in search of any hint.

Then, he heard a noise coming from one of the rooms, like something falling to the floor.

With a hand ready to take out his gun, Genda slowly and carefully stepped closer to the room, wary and on alert, already prepared to shoot at the first sign of danger.

When he finally walked into the room, what he found was far different from what he expected.

The guy hiding in the house couldn’t have been any older than him, with dark skin, pale hair and a deep red eye. An Ishvalan, skinny and frail, ragged clothes barely clinging to his figure, dirty bandages wrapped tightly around his head to cover an eye –or the lack of one- and what was left of his right leg. Even knowing that he could never win, he reached out for the knife laying at his side, hands shaking as he pointed it at him, yelling something he couldn’t understand. Even when it wouldn’t help and was much more likely to get him killed, he still refused to go down without a fight.

“Hey- it’s alright, I’m not here to hurt you.” Even when his orders said otherwise. He still raised his hands and took a step back, hoping that was enough to show him that he meant no harm. Not like it would really help when he had no reason to trust the military. “Can you understand me?” Going by the way he wasn’t reacting to his words, that must’ve been a no.

This was no going to be easy.

With a sigh, Genda decided to take off his heavy jacket instead, laying his water flask on it to slide it all in the Ishvalan’s direction. That seemed to throw him off, lowering the knife just a bit as he stared at the odd offer. While he considered whether or not to take it, Genda decided to take his time to finally rest, sitting down and resting his back against the wall. He’d wait for as long as it took, he already made up his mind.

“You can take it.” He gestured at the jacket and flask. The Ishvalan was still staring at him, barely looking down at what he was being offered before looking up at him again in distrust. Genda kept waiting for him to take it.

He didn’t have to wait much longer. A gust of wind blew in through the broken window, making him shiver and hug himself. Genda kept staring at him.

Eventually, the Ishvalan carefully reached out to grab the jacket, glaring at him as he pulled it closer and wrapped himself in it. He sighed, a bit relieved as the heavier fabric started to warm him up. Then, he was back to glaring. It was progress, at least.

Genda just sighed. Even without knowing for sure what he was going to do now, he already knew that he couldn’t just leave this guy alone to suffer. He could tell that this would be a pain and a lot more work than what he had asked for.

* * *

Genda wasn’t sure of how long he had been waiting around in that place, only sure that it must’ve been at least a few days –if not a week- by now. What he was waiting for exactly… he really wasn’t sure. Honestly, he didn’t even know why he hadn’t left sooner- it wasn’t really like the Ishvalan would suddenly stop being so angry and defensive towards him.

Except he knew exactly why he was still waiting there.

There was no way he could ever just abandon that guy to his fate- to a likely death. Genda would never forgive himself for that, not if there was something he could do to help.

Now he just had to figure out what exactly he could do. Bringing him food and water was likely appreciated, but there had to be more, right?

He was just taking a quick walk around the abandoned place, looking for something to eat between the rations stored in his bike as he thought about their current situation when he heard them.

Footsteps, heavy and getting closer.

Cautious, Genda hid behind a tree, a hand already hovering his gun and ready to react at the first sign of danger. His eyes widened as he caught glance of a blue uniform, immediately turning towards the old house and running.

The Ishvalan almost reached for the knife again when he barged in, not fully calming down even after recognizing him and settling for a glare instead. Without hesitation, Genda grabbed the Ishvalan, ignoring the protests, punches and screams as he ran to his bike. He wasn’t sure how or why the military was there, but he knew that they had to leave- and quickly.

“I-I’m sorry-! We don’t have time for this, please trust me- we need to run!”

He didn’t waste any time as soon as he got to his bike, covering the Ishvalan with his own jacket as much as he could and making sure he wouldn’t fall off, revving up the engine at the highest speed possible to get out of there.

He didn’t quite calm down even when he could no longer hear the screams behind him, even when the Ishvalan had stopped fighting- probably more out of fear than relief. The more he thought about it, the more Genda was silently cursing himself for this whole thing. There was little comfort to be found in the thought that this guy would likely be dead already if he hadn’t done anything.

The ride back home felt far longer than it actually was. At some point, the Ishvalan had dozed off- though Genda was fairly sure it was out of sheer exhaustion and hunger rather than feeling comfortable enough to go to sleep for a while. He needed the rest anyways.

Genda only allowed himself to relax once his home was in sight, careful of parking his bike where no one would see it or notice that he was back already. It took more time and effort to get the Ishvalan into the house without waking him up, but Genda somehow managed, carrying him to his guest room to lay him in bed and let him sleep. He deserved that much.

Genda sighed in relief as soon as he stepped out of the room without waking him up. Now it was time to make a call, as much as he dreaded it.

Kidou would have his head for this mess.

While the Ishvalan was still asleep, Genda took the chance to make the phone call he was dreading. It had been a few days already since the last time he had gotten in touch with them… when his mission was supposed to end on the same day it started when it was just a simple reconnaissance. He would be in so much trouble for that.

As he waited for the call to be picked up, Genda heavily considered the pros and cons of hanging up and trying to avoid the scolding he already knew would come. Too bad it was too late to think of that.

“Hello?”

Genda took a deep breath. He was still very much not looking forward this conversation.

“Hey… Kidou-”

“Genda, what did you do now? We haven’t heard from you since you left for that mission, do you realize how long it’s been already- what happened? Did you get hurt or something? Did something go wrong?” His voice was stern and worried. Now Genda just felt bad.

“I’m fine- don’t worry, alright? Nothing bad happened.” Minus the completely going against orders and hiding a refugee part. They could talk about that later.

“Right… So that’s why you haven’t showed up- because nothing’s wrong.” The sarcasm was dripping from his every word.

“Y-yeah- don’t worry about me, everything’s just fine-”

“What did you do.” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand. Genda sighed- he should’ve known things wouldn’t go as smoothly as he hoped the moment Kidou found out. As much as he could keep lying until either of them hung up, he knew Kidou would find out anyways. Even if he didn’t say anything, Kidou was perfectly capable of just running to the next train and getting there faster than Genda could ever imagine.

Besides… he needed help with this. Even if he didn’t want to involve any other people for the stranger’s safety, he didn’t really have a choice now.

“Hey, Kidou…” A long, pained sigh came from the other side of the line.

“What is it?”

“How do I teach an Ishvalan to speak Amestrian?”


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go new chapter!! please appreciate :)

When Kidou heard from Genda of the last mission he was being sent on, the last thing he expected was… any of this mess. He wanted to say he didn’t know how Genda had roped him into all of this after pretty much deserting to go against orders, but the truth was that he knew too well why. He just had to hope it wouldn’t come back to bite any of them in the ass.

“So… where is he?” Genda gestured at the guest room.

“In there. Hasn’t really wanted to come out of there since I brought him here.” Then he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I know, I know- I fucked up by taking him and bringing him here so out of nowhere… but…”

“I get it- you just wanted to help.” The alternative wasn’t exactly much better. “I’ll go talk to him- wait here, alright?” Genda didn’t hesitate to nod, as much as he wanted to be there and help. He had already overwhelmed him enough as it was. Besides, getting hit over the head with a wooden crutch once was already enough.

With that cleared up, Kidou knocked on the door, more to announce his presence and not take him by surprise than to ask for permission. After a moment, he slowly opened the door and walked in.

The Ishvalan was sitting in a corner as if trying to hide, his new pair of crutches laying at his side, clean bandages wrapping his injuries and new clothes clinging to his thin frame. He still looked awful, his remaining eye glaring with a burning rage, but at least he wasn’t stupid enough not to accept some help, even if all Genda could do for him was leave what he needed in the room and hope he’d be willing to take it.

Kidou took a single step forward. It was enough to raise red flags, a hand snatching one of the crutches and lifting it over his head, ready to attack at the slightest sign of danger. Without a word, Kidou reached for his googles, carefully taking them off and tucking them away into his pocket, fiery red eyes returning meeting his glare. His eye widened as he lowered the crutch, hesitantly speaking up. Kidou replied in their language, and he finally put down his improvised weapon, a few tears gathering in his eye as they carried their conversation. Genda didn’t want to think of how long he must’ve gone without being able to talk to anyone.

Genda watched in silence from the door as they spoke, only catching his name a few times as Kidou pointed to him. Eventually, Kidou gestured at him to come in, looking back at the Ishvalan and talking to him in a soft, reassuring tone.

“Genda, this is Sakuma Jirou.”

* * *

Turns out, despite having saved his life and been formally introduced to him by a half-Ishvalan, Sakuma still didn’t quite trust him. Not like he could blame him. At least he didn’t seem so willing to stab him or maim him at the first chance he got, that had to count for something. He’d take the glares, frowns and near hits with the crutches over stabbing any day, thank you very much.

Being a state alchemist, Kidou had a bit more freedom than the normal military. It worked wonders to help Sakuma out whenever he was available to come back, helping him get the hang of Amestrian, bringing back books and just chatting in Ishvalan when either of them was too tired to do anything else. Even when he couldn’t understand, Genda was just glad to give them their privacy and see Sakuma slowly recover, see him more open and at ease than the day they had met.

They were still struggling to properly communicate, more than once awkwardly pointing and gesturing in an attempt to understand each other, but they were making it work- somehow. Kidou definitely enjoyed seeing it happen whenever he was there, not even trying to hide his smirk as they nearly begged him for help, just claiming it was a good chance for them to practice a bit and actually figure out how to talk. He just enjoyed the show, really.

Despite all their struggles and problems, they were starting to overcome them, getting more and more used to their new, odd routine. They were managing to make that house really feel like home.

Genda didn’t regret his choices not even once.

* * *

“… What do you want?” Genda had been staring at him for some time by now. Sakuma knew he wanted something from him. He also knew that unless he spoke up Genda would just keep staring with that half assed attempt at hiding his dumb grin.

“Can you teach me to speak Ishvalan?” Sakuma blinked. Yes, Genda was being serious.

“… Why?”

“Because I want to learn? Besides, it’s not fair to you to have everyone expecting you to learn our language and no one else does the same for you.” Despite his very obvious pout, he was being very much serious. “So, can you teach me?”

Sakuma blinked, staring at him for a moment like he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. He… really wanted to do that? For him?

Finally, he just huffed, closing his book to turn to fully face him. He really meant it, didn’t he? … What an idiot.

And Sakuma really couldn’t be happier over having this idiot in his life.

“… Fine, I’ll teach you.”

Genda was already celebrating. Sakuma had to really hold back from reminding him that they hadn’t even started yet, stubbornly ignoring the bright smile on his face. Genda really was an idiot, nothing more. Sakuma was trying really hard to tell himself that, even when he could start feeling a faint warmth creeping on his cheeks whenever he saw that smile or even just a pout as he tried very hard to get right whatever Sakuma was teaching him.

He hadn’t even realized just how important Genda was becoming to him, how big his part in his life had now become.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being able to post this was an absolute hell, my wifi is being the worst of the worst and I had to try a ton of times only to then have to move to mobile to post it I'm

Sakuma let out a startled yelp as one of his crutches got caught in a floorboard, nearly stumbling and falling in the process. Genda was already at his side, letting out a relieved sigh as he found him still standing.

“Did you get hurt?”

“N-no… I’m fine.”

“Good…” his gaze then fell on his leg- what was missing of it, at least. “… We should get you an automail.” 

Sakuma blinked. He knew of them and of how they helpful they were, having read more than enough in the books he got his hands on. He also knew how expensive they were.

“But… we can’t do that…” he wasn’t stupid or clueless- he knew pretty well how much Genda was struggling since he quit the military. There was no way he could afford something like that, was it?

“I have some friends that work on automails- I’m sure if we talk to them we can figure something out.” That… sounded reasonable. Or so Sakuma hoped. If they were his friends it could at least be easier, right? Except…

“… Wait- do they know-?” Genda immediately shook his head.

“I haven’t told anyone other than Kidou about you, so don’t worry about that. If you want to, I can call them and let them know we need their help. They know about Kidou, so they won’t think any different of you.” Sakuma bit his lip as he listened, clearly not convinced. “… I promise no one will hurt you. The choice is yours.”

If they were already friends with Kidou it must’ve been fine… right?

He wasn’t sure he could believe that, but… he could trust Genda. He hoped that was enough.

Mere hours later, Henmi knocked on the door, Sakiyama huffing behind him as he carried the bag with their tools and prosthetics. Genda was quick to go and open the door, his usual smile a bit more forced than usual.

“Hey- you got everything?” Henmi just rolled his eyes.

“No, we left half of our stuff home- what do you think, of course we brought everything.”

“Right- sorry…” Genda just let out a sort of awkward chuckle before stepping aside to invite them inside, gesturing at the living room.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.”

Sakuma was waiting on the couch, watching them closely as they walked in. He refused to admit to being nervous, even with how painfully clear it was- hard to blame him after spending who knows how long on the run. He wouldn’t admit to be surprised when they didn’t bat an eye once they saw him or the color of his hair and eye, Sakiyama just relieved to put down the bag he had insisted on carrying, waving at him as a greeting before Genda offered him some much needed water.

“Hello- you’re Sakuma, right? I’m Henmi Wataru, this is Sakiyama Shuuji- I guess Genda already told you about us?”

“Y-yes, he said you two are automail mechanics.” If he had said anything else, Sakuma wasn’t entirely sure- he wouldn’t say out loud that sometimes he ended up tuning out what Genda was saying, what with his habit of talking too much at times just to fill in the silence. There were many things he didn’t want to admit to anyone, apparently. Henmi nodded anyways.

“Alright, we uh, we need to see it to know what we’re working it and what we need to make, so… well…”

Of course. Albeit reluctantly, Sakuma quietly nodded, slowly rolling up the leg of his pants and unwrapping the bandages. Neither of them flinched at the sight, just getting to work right away. To their credit, they didn’t make it any more awkward than it already was, Henmi keeping up the small talk as Sakiyama helped with measurements and such.

“Well, we’ll have to work on a new automail for this, but we can get you a temporary prosthetic for now- will help you get used to walking again while we get the automail done. It’s not going to be as good or precise with movements as an automail, but…” While Henmi spoke, Sakiyama busied himself taking notes.

“That’ll work- if Sakuma wants it.”

“Y-yes- but how are we going to pay for this…?” It was still the worry constantly nagging him since Genda brought up the idea.

“Don’t worry about it- you’re Genda’s friend, we can just give you that prosthetic, consider it our welcome gift!” Then, his smile looked a bit more forced. “The automail itself is going to be a bit harder, though… We’ll have to make it from scratch, and the materials aren’t cheap…”

“It’s alright- I’ll take care of the expenses for it.” They all stared at him. Genda looked completely serious, a determination in his eyes already telling them there was no way to convince him otherwise.

“W-what- you can’t do that- it’s expensive!” Sakuma wasn’t sure why he was still trying to protest, already knowing how stubborn Genda could be at times. Genda just smiled as he looked at him, as kind and warm as always. How Sakuma managed to have such a bright light in his life, he wasn’t sure and might never find out.

“I said it’s fine, didn’t I? Don’t worry about a thing other than walking again. We’ll do this.” It was his way of telling them there was no point in carrying on with the argument. Henmi huffed, shaking his head.

“Alright… We’ll figure out how much we need and bring you a price later- and an adjusted prosthetic.” He looked back at Sakiyama for confirmation, getting a nod in answer as he packed their things. “We’ll be back later, then.”

True to their word, they were back a few hours later, Henmi pulling Genda aside as Sakiyama helped Sakuma fit his temporary prosthetic. As worried as he was over just how Genda would manage to pay for something so expensive… Sakuma couldn’t deny that it was nice to have his leg back, even if this was just a temporary accommodation.

Genda had no reason to worry so much over him, to try so hard to help him, and yet…

“Done.” Sakiyama’s soft voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Sakuma looked down at his leg, hesitantly moving it as he felt the unfamiliar weight on it. As light as the prosthetic was, it still felt like more than what he was used to. It almost felt like something he couldn’t get used to again after so long. “You should try to walk before we leave. To make sure it works.” Sakuma slowly nodded, taking a deep breath as he firmly planted his hands on the couch’s armrest to push himself up. He winced as he hesitantly stood up on shaky legs, almost reaching for his crutches on instinct. Sakiyama was already at his side, not touching him just yet, but ready to catch him if he fell.

It took him a moment to feel like he was keeping his balance. Another deep breath, and Sakuma finally decided to try. Slowly, he lifted his prosthetic, taking a small, hesitant step forward. He almost stumbled and fell, Sakiyama letting out a muttered curse as he caught him before he could lose his balance, but he didn’t give up, reluctantly allowing Sakiyama to help him stay on his feet as he tried again.

It would take him far more practice, pain and effort, by Sakuma would walk again.

“Is it working?” He yelped as he almost fell again, Sakiyama weakly glaring at Genda for his sudden distraction. “Oh- sorry-”

Henmi walked in right behind him, ignoring Genda's sheepish smile and apology to take in the scene before him.

“You should try to get used to walking with that thing for now- it’ll make things easier for when the automail is ready. Just keep the crutches nearby- just in case.” Sakuma nodded as he listened carefully. “Oh- and don’t forget to rest, got it? Seriously, don’t push it, you’re gonna regret it.”

“Got it.” Well, there went his plans.

“Alright. Shuuji?” Sakiyama nodded. Henmi sighed as he rubbed his eyes. Sakuma didn’t notice just how tired he looked. “We… we’re gonna go now- we’ll have to get started on that automail soon. See you later.” Sakiyama waved goodbye at them, quickly following Henmi to the door.

The distress and conflict on Henmi’s face as the two left didn’t go unnoticed, Sakuma furrowing his brow as he watched them step out and close the door.

“Hey… what were you two talking about, exactly?” Genda just smiled as he looked at him.

“Nothing important- don’t worry about it.”

He was lying, Sakuma knew that.

If there was one thing he knew very well by then, it’s how stubborn Genda can be with his secrets, capable of taking them to his grave if he had to. Sakuma wouldn’t admit how much it scared him, just silently hoping that it really wasn’t anything that bad.

* * *

The surgery was simply hell.

Sakuma could hardly remember any of it, just the unbearable amount of pain as he faded in and out of consciousness, worse than any other pain he had ever felt before. He wasn’t sure if this felt even worse than losing his leg the first time.

When he woke up dizzy and sore, aching all over, Sakuma squinted in the darkness of the room, not fully registering where he was or what had happened.

“Sakuma-? Are you awake now? Awake awake?” He just groaned in answer, still not awake enough to be aware of anything around him, Genda's worried voice barely registering, still a bit muffled as the last of the painkillers faded.

“… Genda…? W-what…” Genda sighed in relief.

“It’s alright, don’t worry… you need to rest a bit longer- do you need anything?”

“… M-more painkillers?”

Usually, he wouldn’t ask for something like that, too proud to even think of it. He had survived losing a leg and an eye, surgery should be nothing for him, right?

He had  _ really _ underestimated just how much of a pain in the ass and how hellish the whole thing would be. No wonder so many people didn’t want to get one of those things, there were few people he could wish so much pain to.

Genda didn’t question or even comment on it, just nodding and reaching out for some pills sitting on the nightstand. So he had already thought of that. Sakuma still didn’t know how he had deserved to have someone this kind and caring in his life. He just hoped it would last for as long as he lived, as selfish as it might be.

Under the soothing effects of the medicine and with Genda's watchful presence at his side, Sakuma allowed himself to drift back to sleep.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and back by unpopular demand- they're being soft

“Are you ready to try?”

“Honestly? No- but I guess I can’t keep making excuses to put it off, can I?”

His exasperation was only met with Genda's soft chuckle. Sakuma groaned, already regretting many of his choices.

He had already spent enough time laying in bed and trying to recover from the absolute hell of a surgery that was the automail’s whole process. As much as he wanted to stay in bed for a lot, lot more than that, he knew it was pointless to keep delaying the inevitable. Genda didn’t do so many sacrifices for his sake only to see him stay in bed forever whining about the pain and whatever other little thing that bothered him.

And so, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, Genda standing at his side and ready to help.

Sakuma took a deep breath, staring down at his new leg. Taking Genda's hand, he closed his eye and finally forced himself to stand up.

Almost as soon as he was standing, he doubled over in pain, the sudden sensation unpleasant and foreign. He lost his balance, Genda already catching him before he could even begin to fall.

“Are you alright?”

Sakuma barely managed a nod, still relying on him for support, his legs shaking under his weight. Maybe he should’ve waited a bit more before this-

“I-I’m fine- I’m fine… just… not used to this. It’s alright.”

He wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince Genda or himself with that, his voice wavering just enough to make it sound fake.

“Don’t push yourself if you’re not ready- you can take it easy.”

The concern laced every word coming from Genda's mouth, a frown on his face as he tried to keep him up on his feet. Maybe he was right- maybe Sakuma really should just stop to breathe and try again later. But…

“I said I’m fine- I’m not going to wait for months before trying this.” When he looked at Genda, despite the pain still sending flashes of pain to the rest of his body, there was nothing but determination in his eye. He wasn’t giving up now- even if it was just to try again later. He wasn’t going to keep putting it off out of fear, not anymore. “I can do this- I need to do this.”

Genda watched him closely, as if trying to judge whether or not he was lying. Despite what looked like a clear lie through gritted teeth and barely hidden pain, Genda sighed and softly nodded. He still wasn’t letting go of Sakuma, though.

“Alright… if you say so… let’s try again, then.”

Together. Because Genda still wouldn’t leave him alone to deal with all of this by himself, no matter what. He was just that kind of idiot… and Sakuma couldn’t have been any more grateful to have him there in moments like these. He wasn’t even sure if he would still be alive without Genda.

Regardless, he nodded and smiled, genuine and kind, a rare sight that was only really reserved for Genda.

“Alright- let’s try again.”

* * *

The first few tries were sad to even look at, to say the least. As much as he tried, Sakuma was more often than not bound to the bed and his room, or to his pair of crutches. Taking just a few steps with his new automail was nothing short of hell, skin and muscle still too tender and sensitive to really bear the burden of the foreign limb. The days were a blur of pain, hot flashes and painkillers, medicine after medicine just to be able to sleep through the entire night. Now he wasn’t surprised to know that so many people refused to get one of those, no matter what. Well, it was too late to turn back now, no way to go but forward.

At least he still had Genda by his side.

Be it to bring him food, water and medicine, to support him either emotionally or physically or to catch him before he could fall, Genda was always there at his side, ready to help even when Sakuma didn’t ask him to.

As much as he tried, Sakuma couldn’t deny that his smile alone, bright and warm like the sun, was enough to make all the suffering worth it.

He really didn’t deserve Genda.

“How are you feeling today?”

“Honestly? Like absolute shit.”

Genda just chuckled, already used to that sort of answer. Pulling a chair closer to the bed, he sat next to Sakuma, already going over the medicines on the nightstand to find what he needed, handing him a glass of cold water with it. Sakuma took it all with a muttered thanks, not even noticing the bitter taste of the pills as he swallowed. He was almost alarmed at how used to them he had gotten over the time it was taking him to fully recover from the surgery.

“Feel like trying again today? Or would you rather rest a while longer?” Putting the empty glass down on the nightstand, Sakuma frowned, looking down at his automail, almost not even listening to Genda's question. Genda blinked, brow furrowing as he looked at Sakuma carefully. “Is… is something wrong?”

Sakuma just sighed, sort of shaking his head. Genda didn’t really believe him, he could tell.

“I just… I don’t know… I feel like I’m not getting anywhere- I know this takes time, but…”

For a moment, Genda was silent, waiting for him to be done speaking. Then, he stood up, moved to sit on the edge of the bed and hold him close in a hug. Sakuma didn’t complain or say anything else, just leaning into the sudden affection. Even when he didn’t want to bother, to ask for it, Genda would still do it, still hug him and just remind him that he deserved it.

“I know this doesn’t really help, but… I’ve seen some people who went through the surgery. Believe me when I say you’re trying harder than anyone I’ve ever seen before.”

“Are you saying that because it’s true or are you just lying to make me feel better?”

It was kind of a rhetoric question- he wanted to believe that by then, he knew Genda well enough to know this sort of things- Genda wouldn’t lie to him, not over something like this. Part of him still didn’t believe that.

Genda just huffed, his hug a little bit tighter than before, enough to make Sakuma look at him, half pouting, half frowning and just a bit confused.

“Why would I lie to you over this? I’m saying it because it’s true- and I care about you, you idiot.”

Of course. Why was he even doubting Genda of all the people? Huffing, Sakuma pulled back, the ghost of a smile on his face.

“… Thank you. For… everything you’ve done for me. It means a lot… really.”

Genda blinked, looking at him with wide eyes, almost like he wasn’t expecting that. Then, he just smiled- and damn it if Sakuma didn’t think that was the best smile he’s ever seen in his life.

“You don’t have to thank me, I’m happy to help you! But you’re welcome.”


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just two idiots livin together cause they're not gay  
> except they're on their way there

Sakuma definitely shouldn’t have been pushing himself as much as he did, Genda constantly chiding him and trying to keep him in bed at least enough to recover completely. Or at least for a few more hours- whichever he managed to at the moment. He was out of it even before Genda woke up in the morning, crutches under his arms and trying his best just to keep himself on his feet without Genda's help. He had been enough of a burden already to keep forcing him to help.

His spite and sheer stubbornness was starting to give results, much to Genda's dismay and ever growing concern. Weeks later, and Sakuma was starting to walk without risking to trip and fall- as much as before, at least. The fact that he still needed to use the crutches didn’t matter- he was still managing just fine.

It was only a matter of time now. He would get it, no matter what.

Weeks quickly turned into months before either of them could even notice. Genda still kept an eye on Sakuma whenever he was being more reckless than necessary- which was painfully often, really. It was only a small relief to know that his help wasn’t needed as much as before.

He only allowed himself a few days of comfortably walking with the crutches before deciding all on his own that he was ready for the next step.

“Are you sure about this-? It’s too soon, Sakuma- it hasn’t even been a week!”

Sakuma didn’t pay his concerns any mind. The crutches were now propped against the bed right next to him, Sakuma himself sitting on the edge, almost glaring at Genda.

“I’m sure- I can do this, alright? I’m not going to be walking with crutches forever.”

“I didn’t say that- but you should wait a bit more!”

Genda was exasperated by now. He should’ve asked Henmi and Sakiyama to make up some lie about that damn automail before Sakuma started being this painfully stubborn- even if that was still unlikely to stop him any time soon. And he could feel a headache incoming already.

“Genda- it’s okay, really, I can do this by now.”

Sakuma having this nasty tendency of underestimating just how difficult some things would be was not doing him any favors.

Genda just sighed. They had been going on with this argument for a good while now, at this point he wasn’t even sure if it was worth keeping it up any more.

“I- ugh, fine… will you at least let me stay close to you? Just in case you do fall?” The ‘like it’s bound to happen thanks to your stupid stubbornness’ was left unspoken. Sakuma just sighed, nodding a bit.

“… Fine… I guess we can do that.”

Good enough of a compromise for him.

“Thank you.” As much as he cared about Sakuma, Genda had to admit that sometimes he just really, really knew how to drive him up a wall.

* * *

It was taking more time than he would’ve liked, but slowly, Sakuma was starting to walk more and more without Genda's help. It was comforting, in a way, knowing he was starting to recover his independence and even his freedom. He really couldn’t thank Genda enough for what he had done and was still doing for him.

He had started exploring the house a bit more each day now that he wasn’t so limited to wherever the crutches could take him. It was almost embarrassing to realize just how little he knew of the house he was pretty much living in by now- and so he decided to use it as an exercise. Walk around to get used to the automail and see whatever he had missed in the house.

It was during all that walking around that he realized there was one more bedroom in the house- he had been too busy just trying to keep his balance and not fall flat on his face before to really notice.

Right as he was debating whether or not it would be appropriate to take a peek inside, Genda noticed him.

“Oh, hey- you can’t go in there!”

Genda muttered a soft apology when he saw Sakuma wince, his voice a tad too loud for comfort. Then, he gently took Sakuma's hand to lead him away, constantly looking down at his automail just to make sure he was alright.

“Alright, alright- but what’s in there?”

Sakuma was expecting some sort of dark secret, honestly. He blamed that on reading one too many books in his attempts to better understand the language.

He wasn’t really expecting Genda to just sheepishly smile, a hand running through his messy hair.

“Nothing special- it’s just… my friend’s room, I guess? He’s away right now, but he wouldn’t really like it if someone went in there.”

Well… that was, admittedly, a bit of a disappointing explanation. Then, the realization finally hit him.

“Wait- you have a friend that lives here?”

Genda blinked. Then, he groaned.

“Right- I forgot to tell you about that, sorry- we sort of grew up together, so when we could afford it we just… found this old house and worked on it to be able to live here in peace.”

Oh. Well, that made sense- wait.

“Have you told him… about me?”

“… No?” That… that wasn’t good. Genda must’ve realized how badly he tensed up, sort of panicking as he tried to calm him down and reassure him. “I-it’s gonna be fine, though, really-! He’s not a bad guy, really, he won’t be angry or anything!”

Sakuma just tried to make himself breathe normally again.

“If… if you say so… I’ll trust you.”

It wasn’t like he had much of a choice by now. Genda gently took his hand, tracing soft circles on the back of it, his smile warm and small.

“It’ll be alright- I promise. I’ll keep you safe.”

Despite his fears and doubts, Sakuma couldn’t help but smile at that. As long as Genda was there, it would be alright, he could hardly doubt him.


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here have a nice chapter  
> i've been trying my best here

At some point during his recovery, Kidou had come to visit again, this time accompanied by another guy he still hadn’t met.

“Hey- Kidou, Fudou!”

Sakuma couldn’t really help it- he froze when he saw the stranger in the military uniform, warnings going off and his brain yelling at him to run, to get away before it was too late.

Saying his first encounter with Fudou was eventful might be an understatement.

When Genda finally realized what was going on, Sakuma was ready to hit Fudou, being barely held back by Genda himself- even with how slippery he was becoming after finally being able to walk again, he was still light enough for Genda to hold without problems.

“Woah- Sakuma, it’s alright! He’s a friend!”

Fudou just raised his hands, more confused than annoyed, just trying to show that he meant no harm. Eventually, Sakuma tired himself out, Genda finally feeling comfortable to let him go- and as soon as he did that Sakuma was clinging to his arm, glaring at Fudou.

“Geez, chill- I’m just here to visit.”

That reassurance did little to actually help Sakuma, Genda knew that.

“Hey, Sakuma, it’s alright- he’s our friend too- somehow.” Genda really couldn’t hold back a snicker when Fudou protested after hearing that. “Fudou, this is Sakuma- Sakuma, this is Fudou. He may look threatening, but I promise, he means well.”

Sakuma still wasn’t really sure if he believed that. Noticing his clear distrust, Fudou just sighed.

“Hey- I’m not gonna try to kill you or something like that, alright? Relax, I’ve been friends with this idiot and Kidou for years.”

“… Fine.”

Sakuma just really hoped he wasn’t making a bad decision in putting at least a little of his trust in this stranger. If Genda trusted him then it should be fine, right…? He really, _really_ hoped so.

Fudou was still grinning like the absolute bastard he was. Sakuma kept glaring at him. Genda just sighed, already expecting arguments and headaches.

While they were busy catching up over coffee, Sakuma still sort of glaring at Fudou as he got comfortable at home, Kidou quietly pulled Genda apart. Genda just let out a soft sigh, excusing himself for a moment. He already knew what Kidou wanted to discuss.

Once they were in private, Kidou looked so tired before even speaking. In a way, he already had a good idea of how their conversation would go- and he didn’t like it.

“Genda…”

He sighed when Kidou called his name. he knew already what was about to come, not exactly looking forward to it.

“Yes, I know…”

“What do you plan on doing now?”

There was concern hidden in Kidou’s voice. Genda couldn’t blame him, really- they both knew what he had done and was still doing.

“Honestly? I don’t know- I just… I can’t go back. Not anymore.”

It wasn’t surprising. They both knew Genda had planned on leaving the military for a while now. Helping Sakuma was only the last push he needed. It wasn’t that what really worried Kidou, though.

“You don’t have to go back, but… this is dangerous. They’ll realize soon that you left like this.”

“I know, I know…” Genda ran a hand through his hair, glancing away. He didn’t know what to do, Kidou could tell. “I’ll- I’ll just… figure something out, I guess. Somehow.”

He definitely did not know where to even begin to look for a solution.

“Just… at least promise you’ll be careful. Alright…?”

Genda silently nodded. It was the least he could do, even when they both knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

Kidou could only hope that he would really be careful. Sometimes he wished his friend wasn’t so stupidly selfless, at least for his own wellbeing.

When they came back from their little conversation, Fudou was grinning from ear to ear and Sakuma looked ready to maim him. Genda wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what was going on there while they were busy talking. With the day slowly coming to an end, Fudou stood up from his seat, stretching his arms over his head with a tired yawn.

“Alright… I’ll go crash for a few hours.”

Genda just nodded while he busied himself washing the empty cups.

“Okay- I left some clean blankets in the bathroom cabinet, didn’t have the time to put them away earlier.”

Fudou just nodded, not even bothering to hide his mouth as he yawned again, already making his way upstairs. Sakuma stared, blinking. A moment of silence, and he finally realized-

“Wait- _he_ is your friend living here?!”

Genda awkwardly chuckled. If he had forgotten to tell him, or just didn’t feel like it, Sakuma wasn’t sure. It would be a long few days until Fudou and Kidou left. Genda could only hope they would pass without any big fight or injury.

* * *

“I have to leave for a while, alright? I’ll come back in a few hours- you can go to Henmi and Sakiyama if you need anything.”

“I know, I know- you don’t have to mother me!”

Genda couldn’t really hold back a laughter as he stepped out and closed the door behind him. Sakuma just huffed in his attempts to hide his smile. Genda really worried too much- not like Sakuma was against it.

Not really knowing what to do and not quite feeling like walking too much, Sakuma just settled for picking up a book and being lazy on the couch while he could. Even when he had pretty much mastered the language already, it was still nice to keep practicing, just to make sure he wouldn’t be messing up in the future. Genda had already caught enough of his mistakes to last him a lifetime of embarrassment.

He didn’t really know how much time had passed, too caught up in his reading to really keep track of time. Eventually, what snapped him out of it was the sudden knock on the door. Confused, Sakuma warily sat up on the couch, waiting for a moment just to make sure- and there it was again, another knock on the door. It couldn’t be Genda, he would just come in anyways. Maybe Henmi or Sakiyama, then…? But they didn’t really have a reason to come, did they?

When there was yet another knock, Sakuma finally decided to stand up, now on edge as he stared at the door. He could just ignore it and hope that whoever it was would go away- actually, he should probably do that, considering no one else really knew of his presence there. the last thing he wanted was to give Genda even more problems and things to deal with, he had already done more than enough for him to be repaid with just more trouble.

And so, Sakuma did just that, silently waiting and hoping that whoever it was would just give up, think that no one was home and leave. He could heard the muffled voices, just barely, not quite able to make out what they were saying.

Finally, the knocking stopped. Sakuma let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, hoping that was the end of it. It took him at least a few minutes to fully calm down, but eventually he just went back to his book, still throwing glances at the door every once in a while, even when nothing seemed to be happening anymore. He was being too paranoid, he told himself, it was fine, really.

“Hey, Sakuma! I’m back- everything okay?”

He couldn’t really begin to describe the sense of relief as soon as he heard Genda's voice, a tiny smile on his face as he looked at him and nodded.

“Yes, everything is fine, don’t worry-”

It was almost like they had jinxed themselves- Genda hadn’t even closed the door yet, hands full with bags of food and other assorted necessities, Sakuma already at his side to help him bring everything in. Then, they heard it.

“Genda! You’re finally back-”

The two unexpected guests stopped at the door. Sakuma was standing there like a deer caught in the headlights, eye wide and frozen on the spot, in plain sight.

Before either of them could speak, Genda grabbed them both and dragged them inside, almost slamming the door shut.

This was not going to be fun to explain.

Sakuma hadn’t really listened to almost the entire conversation, too busy with his own panic and fear at being found out to really pay attention to what Genda was saying. What if they were going to tell someone about him? What if someone decided to come and get him- or worse? What if-

“Sakuma?”

He blinked, snapping out of his thoughts, looking up at Genda. All their attention was on him now, the two strangers looking at each other, unsure of what to say. Genda carefully rested a hand on his shoulder to help ground him.

“I- I’m fine, don’t worry.”

Genda didn’t really believe him, not like Sakuma could blame him with how poor of a lie that was. Regardless, he took his hand to offer him some much needed reassurance.

“It’s alright, they’re friends.” Then, he turned to look at them. “Narukami, Doumen- this is Sakuma. Sakuma- they’re Narukami and Doumen.” The two just awkwardly waved with a sheepish smile. Then, one of them- Narukami, Sakuma assumed, cleared his throat before speaking up, clearly embarrassed.

“Um… sorry for- well, startling you and all that. We didn’t mean to- we didn’t know about you, but still…”

Sakuma was starting to feel like this poor guy was dying of sheer embarrassment on the spot. Maybe neither of them was as bad as Sakuma expected.

“Don’t worry- it’s fine. It’s not like you knew about this.” He couldn’t really blame them, even if he was sure he had just experienced one too many heart attacks in the span of mere minutes. Lucky them, before things could keep spiraling into awkwardness and the need to crawl into a hole, Genda took control of the situation.

“So- why did you come here, anyways? Did you two need something?”

At least that worked to ease the still lingering nerves. Doumen perked up at the question almost immediately, already looking much more comfortable than minutes ago.

“Oh, right- we needed some books, but Kidou is still away, so…”

Genda just nodded, already understanding.

“More books about alchemy, then? I’ll go get them- I think he left some here before leaving, just in case.”

With that, he stood up and left the living room. For a moment, the three of them were just sitting there in silence. Narukami was the first to speak up, not quite meeting Sakuma's gaze.

“Uh… I know we already apologized- but just so you know, we won’t be telling anyone about you- promise! The secret is safe with us, really.” Doumen nodded along to his words.

“Yeah, you don’t have to worry about anyone else finding out! We’ll keep our mouth shut, don’t worry!”

Well… at least they were trying. Sakuma still wasn’t completely sure –he did just meet them, after all-, but he politely smiled and nodded. For now, he would believe them, he still had no reason to distrust them.

“Thank you... I appreciate that.”

At least that seemed to completely dispel the uneasiness still lingering in the air after such an abrupt discovery.

A few moments later, Genda finally came back, carrying a pile of books in his arms like they weighted nothing, despite being so thick and looking so heavy that Sakuma was sure they could knock out someone hit with them.

“Here you go- I think those are the ones Kidou left.” Genda handed them the heavy books, Narukami eagerly taking them and glancing at the title, then passing one to Doumen. They weren’t even bothering to get up and leave just yet, already opening the book to discuss this or that paragraph, making themselves at home. Not like Genda seemed to mind- that was good, at least.

“Can I see?” Sakuma couldn’t really deny his curiosity anymore, really. Despite his people’s beliefs, Sakuma couldn’t say that the principles of alchemy weren’t fascinating him. They only spared him one curious glance before nodding- and before Sakuma could say anything else, they both moved to sit at his side, almost dropping the open book on his lap, not even giving him the time to speak as they started explaining and pointing things out. It took him a moment to even start figuring out what they were talking about, but eventually, Sakuma found himself nodding along and reading with them. It was still much more confusing than he expected, but he was trying and they were a bit too excited to talk to really tell them to stop or tone it down.

Genda didn’t seem willing to come to his rescue any time soon, just grinning as he saw him pretty much being swarmed by them, just offering something to drink to keep them happy and comfortable.

They had lost track of time just a few minutes into their reading, only realizing that it was getting late when the sun was starting to go down and it was getting dark outside. As soon as they realized, Narukami and Doumen scrambled to get up and gather their things, apologizing once again for all the trouble caused and overstaying their welcome, even when Genda insisted that it was fine and they had nothing to worry about, just waving goodbye as they rushed to the door. Genda couldn’t really help his smile as he stood by the door, watching them until they were out of sight before closing and locking it.

“Don’t worry about them- they might be a bit too excited, but they mean well.”

Sakuma just rolled his eye, trying to hide his disappointment at the sudden study session being interrupted like that.

“I’m not worried- it’s fine.”

Genda wisely decided not to comment on how he looked ready to faint mere hours ago. Things would certainly be more interesting around there now, especially knowing that those two would definitely be coming back soon. At least Sakuma could start getting used to more people, maybe even make more friends. Genda wouldn’t be against that.


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another really cute and innocent chapter!!  
> Ok but for real I promise next chapter is gonna actually be fun, you'll see what's going on-

For some reason, after finding out about Sakuma, Narukami and Doumen had decided to come around much more often, sometimes together, sometimes only one of them, often for hours and hours and seemingly unwilling to leave any time soon. Sakuma wasn’t really sure what to make of them at first, despite Genda's constant reassurances that they were alright and there was nothing to worry about. So Sakuma tried to listen to him and just get used to them.

Admittedly, they weren’t as bad as he expected. A bit too loud for comfort at times, but manageable. They liked to openly discuss whatever they were reading and ask Sakuma about his opinion on this or that, even when he didn’t have the slightest idea of just what they were talking about.

He thought that would be it- he had already met more people than what he expected to in his entire life, to be honest, Genda couldn’t have that many more friends, right? Narukami and Doumen were already enough to see on a nearly daily basis for there to be even more people.

Turns out, Sakuma soon found out he was wrong.

He was sitting outside under a tree, a book on his lap to relax and enjoy the nice weather. Then, the sudden honking startled him out of his thoughts, immediately trying to jump on his feet, only to trip over his automail and land right back in the dirt. Well, that was embarrassing enough on its own. It got even more embarrassing when that caught Genda's attention- his, and whoever the guys he was talking to were.

“Are you alright? Did you get hurt?”

Genda was already next to him and kneeling to check on him, worry in his eyes and voice as he looked him over.

“I-I’m fine, don’t worry…” bruised pride aside, Sakuma couldn’t really say he had gotten hurt. Now that would’ve been really pathetic of him.

Then, one of the other two guys stepped closer, the other watching from his spot near their truck. He tried not to, but Sakuma couldn’t really help but freeze under his stare- this guy was easily twice his size and more than twice his weight. Hard not to feel at least a little bit intimidated.

“Everything alright?” Despite how scary he looked at a first glance, his voice was surprisingly soft with concern. Sakuma was definitely caught off guard by that, to say the least.

“I- yeah, I’m fine.” He just allowed Genda to help him get back on his feet, just a tiny bit wary as he looked at the guy that was definitely towering over him. Genda didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, just pulled Sakuma closer with one of his dumb grins, more warm and reassuring than it should’ve been able to be- and just looking at it was enough to put him at ease.

Right- as long as Genda was there with him, it would be alright. He could trust Genda.

“Come on- you don’t need to be afraid.”

Then, the big guy offered him his hand to shake.

“Hey- I’m Oono. Oono Densuke.” Then, he gestured at the other guy, who busied himself looking for something on the back of the truck. “And that’s Banjou Kazumichi. We were just passing by to drop some stuff- we’ll be leaving soon.” So he did notice Sakuma's nerves. Regardless, Sakuma managed to snap himself out of his thoughts and take his hand to shake it.

“Nice to meet you.”

And right in the middle of a somewhat awkward small talk, Genda excused himself to go help Banjou unload some boxes. Sakuma knew it had to be his way of gently pushing him to talk to more people- and he wasn’t sure if he was annoyed or grateful for the help. Maybe both. He was definitely pouting and glaring at him, though. Oono just laughed it off as soon as he noticed.

“Don’t be too harsh on him, he means well.”

“I know he does- doesn’t mean he suddenly stopped being an idiot.”

That just got another laughter out of Oono. Sakuma was starting to wonder if all of Genda's friends were like this.

Pleasantries exchanged and business taken care of, the two were saying their goodbyes and getting back into the truck. Even if he didn’t get to talk much to them before they left, Sakuma couldn’t really deny that they didn’t seem all that bad to have around- certainly not as energetic and easily excited as Narukami and Doumen were, for sure.

Maybe he wouldn’t mind talk some more to them.

As soon as they were inside, however, Sakuma was back to half pouting, half glaring at Genda.

“You could’ve warned me that someone was coming.”

Genda just sheepishly smiled and chuckled.

“I kinda… forgot. Sorry.”

Sakuma groaned. To be honest, he wasn’t really sure of how sorry Genda actually was… but it was a bit too late to do anything about that, anyways.

“Fine… what was all that about, anyways?” He couldn’t really help but be curious while watching Genda was still busy carrying some of the boxes from the living room to the kitchen.

“Oh, it’s no big deal- they’re used to making deliveries, so sometimes I ask them to bring me food and stuff like that, it’s easier to get stuff in bulk when you’re this far away from the closest town.” True to his word, as he started unpacking Sakuma noticed all the food, fresh, packed and canned ingredients. Then, Genda brightened up as he peeked into the next box. “Hey- we could try baking something!”

Sakuma blinked. He didn’t really think of that before- wasn’t all that used to anything sweet either, it was hard to get any or be picky with food when you were on the run.

“I… well, if you’re sure about that…”

Genda's smile didn’t waver.

“Of course I’m sure! I can even show you how to bake some stuff- I think there was some recipe book in here somewhere…” He didn’t even finish putting away the groceries, already looking around for said book as he muttered to himself about what they could do with what they had now. Even when Sakuma was sure that with his lack of skills in the kitchen this could only turn out to be a disaster, he didn’t really have the heart to stop Genda, not when he looked so happy and excited to do this. He’d just hope that it wouldn’t be as much of a disaster as he thought it would be.

In the end, it definitely wasn’t as much of a disaster as Sakuma thought. There was definitely a bit of a mess here and there, flour and sugar spilled and a broken egg, there were far more stains in his clothes than he would’ve liked… but it all worked out. It was just a simple recipe for cookies, but Sakuma couldn’t really deny how eager he was to taste them as soon as the sugary scent reached him. Genda looked a bit too proud of himself over cookies- but Sakuma didn’t really mind, not when he looked so happy and when his smile was so bright.

“They’re gonna take a while to be done, I’ll start cleaning up.”

“Wait- let me help.”

At least Genda was getting smarter, not trying to protest and just letting him get started. He had already learned just how stubborn Sakuma could be, and how some fights just weren’t worth it. Even when he would’ve preferred to make him sit down and get some weight off his automail for a while.

On the bright side, cleaning was indeed much easier and faster when they worked together. Sakuma took care of the dirty dishes and Genda cleaned up all the stains and spilled ingredients on the counter.

“So… any other friend I should know about before I get another heart attack?”

Genda had to try really hard to bite back a laugh.

“It’s alright- there’s still Jimon and Gojou, but that’s all, no one else.”

Well, that was a relief at least.

Turns out, it was not much of a relief when he did end up meeting them- or Gojou, at least. He definitely did have a heart attack right there and then, the weird guy showing up quite literally out of nowhere for… Sakuma wasn’t really sure why, actually. Maybe he was too busy calming down his heart as it tried to claw its way out of his chest to pay attention, maybe Gojou just didn’t say anything, he wasn’t sure- he didn’t care much either way. Genda had to try really, _really_ hard to reassure him that as weird and cryptic as he was, Gojou meant no harm and didn’t try to push him into an early grave on purpose. Sakuma wasn’t sure if he could actually believe him on this one.

At least Jimon was the most down to earth and normal guy out of the whole bunch. And the only one that didn’t apparently try to accidentally frighten Sakuma to death with some unexpected appearance or anything of the sort.

Genda's circle of friends was definitely weird and varying degrees of chaotic, nothing Sakuma was used to or had really seen before. He didn’t mind getting used to them either, talking more to Narukami and Doumen over books and exchanging treats and knowledge, helping out Henmi and Sakiyama when they weren’t checking on him and his automail, keeping everyone in check with Jimon and even taking rides in the truck with Oono and Banjou when it was safe to do so.

He didn’t even realize when they all had become his friends too- and Sakuma wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe here we go

Even after pretty much draining all the savings the military was holding for him, Genda was still leaving every once in a while to do all sort of odd jobs around the closest town. He didn’t want Sakuma to feel guilty over it… but truth was, they were starting to run out of money. He still didn’t regret his decisions one bit- he’d gladly do it all over again and give even more this time around if it was to help Sakuma.

Ever since he had gotten used to the automail, he started moving around, just trying his best to help, insisting he had to do something to repay the favor, even when Genda kept saying that it wasn’t necessary. Not like he could stop him, really- with his ability to walk back, Sakuma was as slippery as a fish, nearly impossible to keep in one place and more often out of home than in it. More lively than ever before.

Seeing him so happy and genuinely smiling was worth all the pain.

He had taken a liking to running into the nearby forest and spending hours there, exercising or just taking a walk and forgetting to keep track of time, often coming back with berries or whatever else he would find in there. Genda didn’t mind, just taking advantage of this to take care of all the things he didn’t want Sakuma to know about just yet.

Coming back from another day of working, Genda sighed as he opened the door, ready to just crash on the couch for a power nap until Sakuma would wake him up for dinner. Resting for a while sounded like a wonderful idea when he felt so sore.

Then, he heard the footsteps behind him, far too heavy to be Sakuma's, light on his feet in spite of the metal that made up one of them. He turned around even before hearing his name, freezing in place when he spotted the blue of the military uniform. The guy at the front approached him, and Genda had to force every fiber of his being to stay still before he dug himself into an even deeper grave.

“Genda Koujirou?”

He didn’t need to say his name, already knowing it was him when he saw Genda tense and watching him with wide eyes.

“You’re under arrest for charges of desertion.”

* * *

When Sakuma finally decided it was time to go back home, it was starting to get late, the sky already tinted orange with the deep blue of the night fading in. Maybe he had overdone this time, but could anyone really blame him? He had spent far too long hidden at home and confined to wherever a pair of crutches could take him.

As much as he asked if it was alright and if there was anything he could do to help around the house, Genda kept insisting that it was fine, that seeing him just be able to live his life to the fullest once again was enough. Sakuma wasn’t convinced.

And so he decided to stop on the way back and see if he could pick up at least some fruits from the forest- he knew how much Genda liked those, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want some pie. It was unfair how good Genda was in the kitchen, really. He just hoped there were enough to do something.

“Genda! I’m-”

He froze in his tracks when he came back to an open door and rustled plants, footprints in the dirt and a knife abandoned on the ground. He would recognize Genda's knife anywhere.

With growing dread, Sakuma rushed in, weakly hoping that the bad feeling festering in his stomach was wrong- and was met with a trashed living room, furniture kicked and flipped over, glass shattered, books scattered around the place. No matter how much he called his name or looked around, Genda was nowhere to be found. Now panicking, Sakuma ran out, almost tripping as he tried to get to the closest house as fast as possible. He knew their house was somewhat isolated from the rest, far closer to the woods than any of them, but someone had to know something, right? It’s not like Genda would just leave like that and say nothing to anyone, right?

He frantically knocked on the first door he found, desperately calling for someone, anyone to open.

“What- Sakuma, what-”

He didn’t even let the confused Henmi finish speaking.

“Have you seen Genda?”

“Uh- no? What’s wrong? Did something happen-?”

“I can’t find him- I don’t know where he is or what happened to him, he’s just gone and I-”

“Sakuma- calm down!” Henmi raised his hands and firmly planted them on his shoulders, just trying to snap Sakuma out of his panic. It worked, at least, Sakuma suddenly quiet as he stared at him. “Alright, start over and tell me what happened.”

Taking a deep breath, Sakuma nodded.

“I… I just came back from the forest near our home… the front door was open and it looked like someone else was there- I don’t know what happened, but Genda's knife was on the ground and I went looking for him but he wasn’t anywhere-” he had to cut himself off to breathe before he could end up panicking again, already feeling his stomach churning. “I can’t find him- I don’t know where he is now but he’s not home…”

Going by the way Henmi tensed up, Sakuma already feared the worst.

“I haven’t seen him today- I don’t think anyone around here has.” Sakuma's heart sank hearing that. Henmi must’ve noticed, nervously looking away as he pulled back, a hand scratching the back of his neck. “B-but we can go look for him-! Two is better than one, right?”

Somehow, Sakuma managed a weak nod, even when he still couldn’t bring himself to believe Henmi- not after what happened. What if something was really wrong and neither of them realized it? What if no one realized it until it was too late?

He didn’t even want to think of it, yet all the worst outcomes were already perfectly visible in his mind.

With no one else back yet to go ask for more help and time already feeling like it was running out, the two of them headed back to the now empty house. Once he spotted the still open door and found no sign of Genda nearby, Sakuma sighed, heartbroken by that sight alone. Maybe part of him was still weakly hoping that he was just overthinking and he would come back to Genda and one of his stupidly bright smiles.

“Alright… let’s just… let’s start looking.”

Sakuma barely listened to him, nodding almost numb as he followed. Taking a closer look and with someone far more calm than he was, the signs of a fight were painfully clear now. His heart sank at the realization- if he still had any hope of a mere misunderstanding, it was all gone now.

“Hey… Sakuma? Was this here before?”

Snapping out of his thoughts, Sakuma turned to look at what he found. Stepping closer, he froze when he spotted the torn fabric almost hidden between the branches of a bush by the door, its deep blue still clear despite all the dust and dirt covering it. That was definitely not there earlier on the day.

“What…”

Hesitantly, Henmi picked the fabric up to examine it. They knew what it was, had already seen that same kind of fabric plenty of times before- on Genda's own military uniform.


	9. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE LET'S GO

Kidou had a bad feeling when he heard the phone ring.

He hadn’t heard from Genda or anyone else in a while- even with Fudou’s half assed attempts at reassuring him that they just must’ve forgotten to call, Kidou wasn’t convinced, not when Genda had agreed to call every day just to confirm that he was alright and nothing had happened. Yet.

It had already been over a day since their last call. Kidou couldn’t really help his worries anymore- and when the phone finally ringed, he just wanted to hope that he was wrong, that Fudou was right and Genda was just too busy and forgot.

Genda wasn’t the one to answer the phone.

“Kidou? You- are you there?”

Something in Sakuma's voice was wrong. Out of place. Kidou didn’t like it.

“I’m here- what happened?” No point in wasting time, they both knew it wasn’t just a routine call.

There was a moment of silence over the line. Kidou barely heard Sakuma's soft, almost defeated sigh.

“They… the military- they took Genda.”

Fudou was watching him with a furrowed brow, already catching onto something just by his face. Kidou’s eyes went wide as he almost dropped the phone, suddenly completely serious.

“… Tell me what happened.”

* * *

As soon as the call was over, a heavy silence fell on the room. Fudou was clutching the couch’s arm so hard he was close to tearing into the fabric. Kidou still hadn’t really let go of them, just standing there, frozen in place, processing everything Sakuma had just told him.

“The bastards have him, don’t they?”

He didn’t even need to hear to the full call. Kidou silently nodded. Fudou was already seething. Kidou wouldn’t be surprised if he would have to hold him back from beating up someone for answers sooner or later.

“We’ll find him.” It was the only attempt at reassurance that Kidou could offer. Fudou almost snarled in answer.

“We have to.”

* * *

The more time passed with no news of Genda or his whereabouts, the more Sakuma felt like he was going crazy. More than once he had to be held back from running out to go find the first military member he could and beat the information out of him- even when he knew it was more likely to get him killed than do anything useful.

He wasn’t sure if it had been days or weeks already, time was nothing more than a blur by now. Every day he could was spent looking around in the woods and house’s surroundings, weakly hoping to find something, even when he knew that there would be nothing new to find after so long. He hated it, hated feeling so useless, knowing Genda might be suffering somewhere and he was doing nothing to help.

Someone was coming to check on him every day, trying to make sure he wouldn’t be doing anything reckless and ensuring he was still taking at least some care of himself. That day, it was Henmi’s turn, bringing some baked goods from the town nearby to at least try to make him eat some breakfast. Without Genda, Sakuma was a mess of raging, pent up emotions, waiting for the slightest wrong touch or misplaced word to snap. They all knew that had it not been for how easily he could end up killed, he would’ve already picked more than one fight with the military for Genda's sake.

Henmi just sighed as he watched him, leaving the food on the table. He knew he had to do something, but…

“Sakuma, listen-”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence, interrupted by the sudden ring of the phone.

For a moment, they both froze, staring at it, as if not sure if they had really heard it.

As soon as the phone rang again, Sakuma rushed to answer, his hands shaking as he gripped the handset.

“Fudou? Tell me you have something.” His wavering voice was enough of a plea as it was, not even bothering to check if he was talking to the right person.

On the other side of the line, Fudou huffed.

“Yeah, yeah- I asked Kidou to help me, we found a few locations and worked on narrowing it down. Get something to write the directions.” Hearing his voice was a small relief.

“Alright…” he had to force himself to let go of the phone long enough to get the first paper and pen he could find. “Are you sure this is the place?”

“Definitely. Hurry up and take note- I can’t stay on call for too long.”

Over the next minute, Sakuma wrote down nearly every word coming out of Fudou’s mouth, asking anything that came to his mind, double and triple checking that everything was exactly as Fudou had told him.

“Alright… we got this now.”

“You sure you can go on your own? Kidou is one word away from snapping and getting on the train on his own.” Sakuma nodded before he could remember that Fudou wasn’t watching.

“Yes, we got this- waiting for the train would take too long anyways- and it might put you two in even more danger. We can’t risk it.”

“Right…” For a moment, there was silence over the line, Sakuma fidgeting with the pen still in his hand. “Be careful, alright? If they get you too we might not be able to do anything.”

“We will- we’re not leaving until we bring him back.” The grim determination in his shaky voice didn’t leave much room for doubt, just worry over what would happen if they didn’t manage that.

“Fine… just- watch out. A military complex is no joke, alright? And call any of us when you can, Kidou is going to worry himself into an early grave if he doesn’t get any news.” As if he wasn’t just as worried as Kidou over this whole ordeal.

“Will do, promise. We have to go prepare now, so…”

“Got it. Good luck with that.” The call quickly ended after that, without even saying a proper goodbye. As awkward as it was, they were used to it, Sakuma didn’t mind it as much as the shaky words scribbled in a rush on the paper now in his hands.

He was out of the door and calling out for the others before he could even process what was happening, pushing his own thoughts aside to focus on the most important thing at hand. Organizing their newfound mission.

Within minutes, they were all sitting together at a table, the seemingly so innocent paper in the middle of it.

“A military complex, then… that’s nothing to laugh at.” Henmi was the first to try and break the silence, awkwardly coughing and looking away. They all knew it already, suspected and feared something like that to happen, but to have it confirmed… that was something else entirely.

“W-what are we gonna do now…?” Narukami had been bouncing his leg nonstop since he sat down, his soft, hesitant voice easily giving away his fear.

“Isn’t it obvious?” They all turned to look at Sakuma, pure rage burning in his eye. “We’re going to get him back- no matter what.”

“What’s the plan now?”

“We know where to go, now we have to prepare to go there.” Sakuma looked at each of them carefully, mentally going over what they had. “We’ll need to gather all the weapons we have and get our vehicle ready. Oono, check the truck and make sure it’ll work. Banjou, Jimon and Gojou, you’ll gather the weapons, tools and first aid kits, load the truck and make sure everything is there.” They quickly nodded. “Henmi, Sakiyama- we’ll need a radio, gather all the materials. Narukami, you will transmute it, Doumen will help you check to see it all works. We’re leaving as soon as everything is packed.” No one tried to argue, already out of their seats and rushing to get everything ready.

Over the afternoon, Sakuma didn’t stop once to rest, constantly checking on everyone’s progress, asking if anything else was needed, making sure everything was going smoothly. As soon as the truck was ready with all they needed, he was the first to get on, just waiting for them to follow suit.

The drive to the complex was tense and uncomfortable, no one even trying to speak up or chat to ease it. The silence was only broken by Sakuma’s voice, pointing Oono in the right direction and asking on a few times where they were headed to, just to make sure they were still on the right path.

The moon was already high in the night sky by the time they had reached their objective, the truck parked far away enough to be out of sight. From the safety of their hiding spot, Sakuma watched the guards, the only hint that there was something going on at the decaying building.

“Alright, we need to take care of them. Anyone-” before he could finish, Sakiyama stood up, everyone watching in slight awe and a vague sense of horror as he moved in the shadows, metal bat in hand and ready to swing it. They all looked at Henmi for an answer, only getting a shrug. Then, they heard the distinct crack of metal hitting bones, turning to find Sakiyama standing over the maybe knocked out guards, a splatter of blood on his face. Well, that solved one of their problems. Maybe a bit too permanently.

No reason to wait now- with the guards taken care of, they hurried to reach the door, Henmi already pulling out his tools before even kneeling in front of the lock to inspect it as Sakiyama moved to hide the hopefully unconscious guards. Within seconds, he had gotten to work, swift and efficient, getting it open in under a minute.

“Alright- it’s open now. Hurry up.”

“Okay- go back to the truck now and set up the radio. We’ll call as soon as we’re safe to go on.” With a quick nod, Henmi scrambled to put everything back in his backpack, the group waiting for him as Sakiyama, Narukami and Jimon prepared to follow Sakuma inside. While he packed, Doumen tugged on Sakuma’s shoulder, a frown on his face.

“… Promise you’ll bring him back.”

“I promise. I’m not leaving without him.”

Even when they both knew there was no guarantee they could even find him alive. They all needed to hear that.


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go, the main reason for the fic's rating and tag updates. Been very excited to post this! This is almost the whole reason I made this whole fic at all, so I hope you'll enjoy it!

The inside of the laboratory was much worse than its surroundings, eerie and unsettling enough on its own as it was. They tried their best to be quiet as they walked around the place, trying to find their way between the dimly lit corridors, the locked doors and faint animal cries. The few doors that weren’t locked led into storages and empty rooms- not what they wanted, but good enough to hide and make sure no one would be finding them any time soon. They’d help to take a moment to reorganize and keep going, at least. The more they walked into the eerie building, the more they realized just how hard it would be to find anything in it.

Something felt very wrong. Sakuma had no idea what it was, but the building alone was already giving him a terrible feeling. He just really, really wanted to hope that it was just the creepy atmosphere of it all getting to him and on his nerves.

Not like walking for what felt like hours and still not finding anything was helping him feel any more at ease.

They were wasting time like that, Sakuma knew it well- and time was the one thing they couldn’t afford to waste. With a sigh, he turned to his friends as soon as they reached another safe room. He hated the idea alone, but by now… they didn’t really have much of a choice, not if they really wanted to find Genda and get out of there alive.

“We need to split up.” All the eyes were on him now. They were very much not happy with the idea, to say the least.

“B-but- here?! That’s-” Narukami cut himself off before he could get too loud, voice already starting to break under the fear and anxiety.

“I know, I know, it’s dangerous- but we need to move faster, we can’t be here forever.” It was a hard decision, but time was the essence now, they all knew that. “Narukami, you come with me. Sakiyama and Jimon, you two go together- don’t split up for any reason, alright? If any of us finds something we’ll call by the radio.” They nodded, as reluctant and unhappy as they were with the new plan, to then peek out of the door, the two pairs going their own way as soon as they were sure it was safe to keep moving.

Sakuma wasn’t sure for how long they had been walking, only that they kept opening door after door on the way. Narukami worked his way around them faster than him, just transmuting the locks out of the way. Stitching an array on a pair of gloves worked even better than he expected, despite his doubts over the precision of the lines.

Eventually, they found small cages lined inside the rooms, arrays and other information neither of them cared about on the desks.

Then, they saw the chimeras. Animals of all sizes and shapes, mixed and matched in grotesque ways, some looking just a bit more complete than others, some eerily still, all screeching and growling as soon as they saw them.

Sakuma was having a bad feeling over this, forcing himself to push it away and keep looking despite the disgusting sight and the implications of it. It was the one thing of alchemy he truly despised, how easily they could throw away lives for their goals.

At some point Sakiyama called over their radio, checking in on them, only to find out no one had found anything yet. Sakuma was trying his hardest to keep himself composed, to keep hoping and not think that maybe Kidou and Fudou were wrong. It was getting harder and harder to cling onto that feeble hope the more rooms they opened with increasingly worse results of their twisted experiments.

The next room they walked into was quiet, eerily so.

While Narukami felt the wall for a light switch, Sakuma slowly stepped into the room, trying to find his way around in the dark. Then, he spotted the cage, bigger than the others he had seen before.

He walked closer to it, stopping on his tracks as soon as he could get a better look inside it, his eye wide.

Curled up in a dark corner of the cage, their friend was trying to hide, chains rattling as he shook in his thin hospital gown, not even realizing he was being watched. In the darkness of the laboratory, Sakuma could barely make out the bloodstains on the floor, fists clenching, shaking with barely contained anger as he watched his friend.

“Hey, Genda…” his voice was just a soft whisper, but it was enough to get Genda’s attention, his head snapping up at the mention of his name. “It’s okay- we’re getting you out of here now.” As soon as he recognized them, his eyes widened, his back pressed against the wall as he tried to hide.

“S-stay away…” Sakuma blinked, as if not quite understanding that weak plea.

“W-what… Genda-”

“P-please-”

“Found!” With that whisper, Narukami flipped on the light switch. With the laboratory suddenly bright, Sakuma covered his eye, squinting as he got used to the light. Genda hissed on instinct, covering himself with his arms. It wasn’t enough to hide the claws on his fingers or the tail tucked between his legs.

Sakuma couldn’t help but stare, eyes wide and mouth agape, somehow managing not to throw up- even if just barely. When Narukami stepped closer to help, he froze on his tracks at the sight with a gasp, covering his mouth with a hand as tears gathered in his eyes. If he squinted, he could make out a pair of distinctly animal ears nearly hidden by his long, messy hair, along with a few patches of fur peeking out of his gown, lining his arms and ending on the back of his hands.

The tail twitched, curled around one of his legs, the ears matching its movements.

Sakuma was sure that, even if only for a brief moment, he had forgotten how to breathe.


	11. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't have anything to say here other than i really really like this chapter and this is actually the first thing i wrote when i started this fic

“W-what…”

Trying to push away every question making his stomach churn, Sakuma forced himself to ignore Narukami’s weak voice and Genda’s whimpers, moving to open the cage instead, muttering an apology as he watched him curl up on himself as much as he could.

“Narukami, keep guard- it’s alright, Genda, don’t worry- w-we’re getting you out of here-” without a key in hand or the time to go look for it, he had to resort to lock picking, occasionally looking up to check on Genda. He was refusing to move from his corner, watching him with wide eyes. “Come on, come on… got it-” he let out a relieved sigh when he heard a click, the cage finally opening. His skills might not be on par with Henmi’s, but as long as it worked… “Alright, let’s get out of here…” with that, he offered Genda his hand to take.

Genda refused to take it, staring at him in a mix of fear and confusion. Sakuma tried not to falter at what looked like distrust, even when he could feel his heart break a little more.

“What’s wrong…?”

“Y-you… y-you really w-want to help me?” The wariness in his voice didn’t go unnoticed.

“Of course… why wouldn’t we help a friend?” Seeing him so surprised by such a simple concept made his heart ache. “… Is it because of what they’ve done to you?” A moment of hesitation, then a soft nod. Sakuma took a deep breath, holding himself back from getting up and punching the wall. “That doesn’t change what we think of you- you’ll still be our idiot friend that we all care for.” Even when he could only hope that this was still their friend. That he hadn’t been broken beyond repair.

For a moment, Genda just stared at him, just trying to figure out if it was true.

Then, he hesitantly took his hand, letting Sakuma help him out of the cage, leaning against him for support and allowing him to work on getting rid of the chains next.

Sakuma forced himself to swallow hard and keep everything in his stomach as he helped Genda keep his balance, looking for any visible injury or anything else they had to take care of immediately. All he could find were dark stains of dried blood on his gown. Stains and a number embroidered near the collar.

“H-hey… N-Narukami…” His words finally snapped him out of his trance, forcing himself to look up at Sakuma. “I-I need you to get the files from the desk… and find a n-number…” With a weak nod, Narukami managed to move towards the desk, shaky hands going through the piles of papers and folders.

“W-what… what n-number…?” As much as he didn’t want to, Sakuma took a deep breath and took a closer look at the number.

“44.”

“A-alright-” it didn’t take much longer to find a folder neatly labelled with that number. At least they were organized enough to keep everything in one place. “I-I think I found it.” He wasn’t daring to open it to be sure, though. Sakuma didn’t blame him.

“Let’s go then- tell the others, we’re leaving _now_.” Narukami quickly nodded, fetching and turning on the radio to deliver the message, relief, happiness and gratitude the only answer he received. Sakuma could feel Genda ready to hide, almost unwilling to face them. Of course they sounded so happy, they still didn’t know. Sakuma just gave his hand a gentle squeeze, nothing but determination shining in his eye, the silent reassurance Genda needed now.

“They’re already heading back.” Narukami turned off the radio before securing it to his belt. Sakuma nodded in answer, opening the door just enough to peek out, alert to any sudden sound. Other than the distant screeches and screams of animals, there didn’t seem to be anyone else around.

“No one’s here, we can leave- can you walk?” This time, Genda looked a lot more convinced as he nodded. Sakuma really hoped he wasn’t just lying to reassure them. “Alright then- let’s go.”

As they ran through the corridors, they couldn’t help but keep glancing at Genda, watching him closely for any sign of something wrong- other than the obvious. He was tired, that much was clear, dark circles under his eyes in clear contrast against his paler than usual skin, limbs shaking every time they had to stop to catch their breath and make sure they were going in the right direction. They didn’t try to stop him- they knew he had to be the one more eager to get out of there as quickly as possible.

They kept moving until Genda suddenly stopped, eyes wide and hands covering his nose, frozen in place.

“Genda…? What’s wrong?”

“I-I… I can smell them…” Somehow, he managed to force himself to take a step back, looking ready to bolt.

“… Smell? What-” Sakuma cut himself off, realization hitting him. They had turned him into a chimera, so… He suddenly felt sick to his stomach, just another thing to add to the horror of that night. “… C-can you tell from where…?” Genda forced himself to take his hands off his face, followed by a few deep breaths. He pointed at the corridor right ahead of them. Sakuma had already reached out for his gun, Narukami crouched, ready to spring into action, a gloved hand almost brushing the floor. It was just their luck- getting caught by an enemy in the middle of an empty corridor with no hiding spot in sight.

Behind them, Genda was tense, trying to keep his breath quiet and even, focusing on the scents. Picking apart his friends’ trails was easy, quickly pushing them aside to catch on the unknown ones.

“… There’s two of them.”

Sooner than they expected, two guards were within sight.

Before they could stop him, Genda lunged, faster than they expected, a sound that could only be described as a mix of a scream and a growl ripping itself from his throat, the guards’ attention now fully on him. Genda landed on the first one, clawing at him with all his strength, blood splattering on the floor and walls, his attack relentless and vicious. The other guard didn’t have time to react, Sakuma quickly aiming and shooting before giving him the change to touch Genda.

Even with the gunshot so close to him, Genda wasn’t stopping. When the guard tried to grab his neck to get him off, he reacted by instinct, biting down on his hand- hard, sharp fangs digging into the flesh, uncaring for the blood in his mouth.

“Genda! You can stop now- come on!” Sakuma tried to keep his voice as low as possible, fearing that all the noise would be catching someone’s attention soon. Genda wasn’t listening, his attack wasn’t stopping, aggressive and violent like a caged animal who finally had the upper hand on its captor. He barely heard the steps coming from behind them, Narukami turning around before him, calming down just a bit once he saw Sakiyama and Jimon coming in the darkness of the corridor.

The two stopped a few steps away from them, any question dying on their lips as soon as their eyes fell on the crouched figure still mauling the body on the floor.

“W-what…”

“H-he… w-what the hell?” Sakuma ignored their questions and panic, putting away his gun to carefully step closer to Genda.

“Hey, Genda…” He turned to him with a growl, tense and ready to attack, bloody claws raised. It took him a moment to finally see Sakuma in front of him, his demeanor shifting in a matter of seconds, eyes wide as he looked down at his bloody hands, stomach churning at the taste of blood in his mouth. “It’s alright… let’s just get out of here.” When he took Genda’s hand, he could feel it shaking.

On their way out from then on, they stuck to hiding and waiting- no need getting more attention than what they already had. It was keeping everyone on edge and uneasy, and more often than not Sakiyama and Jimon were sneaking glances at Genda and then back at Sakuma, very clearly holding back from bombarding him with questions. Genda himself was too distraught to even pay that much attention, occasionally remembering to sniff the air in search of danger, letting Sakuma lead them out for the most part.

The cool air of the night was a welcome change. Genda watched in awe as they stepped out of the complex, almost getting distracted just by watching the night sky. Sakuma tugged on his hand with a faint, pained smile, giving it a soft squeeze to calm down his nerves, gently pushing him to keep walking. They still had to get away from there.

With the adrenaline subsiding and leaving place for exhaustion and days of pain, it didn’t take much longer for Genda to hit the ground, fighting so desperately to stay awake, only managing to fall again as he tried to get up, his body forcing him to give up and rest, passing out soon enough. Then, panic followed.

Sakuma barely managed to keep everyone quiet enough not to be discovered, even when he himself was barely keeping himself under control.

“Jimon- help me carry him.” Jimon barely heard him, numbly nodding as he moved to grab an arm and sling it over his shoulder, Sakuma following suit with the other one. “Narukami, call the others- we have to be ready to leave.”

They only walked for a few minutes, barely stepping into the nearby woods, when they heard the frantic footsteps approaching. Sakiyama nearly swung his bat blindly, stopping just in time as he spotted Oono and Doumen running up to them.

“Guys! Y-you’re here! Narukami said you were coming so we just-” Doumen’s almost excited words died down quickly, only having to take a glance at Genda to go from relief to fear. Sakuma couldn’t quite look at him in the eyes. It was hard to feel like they hadn’t failed anyways.

“… We can talk about this later. We need to go now.” Doumen barely managed a weak nod. Oono stepped forward, reaching out to gently take Genda from their hands. Sakuma allowed him, almost reluctant to let him go. They were all too exhausted to keep going.

“Hey, Narukami…” he snapped out of his thoughts once he heard Sakuma’s voice. “The folder…”

“Yes- here.” He was way too eager to hand it over to someone else, too afraid of its contents to even hold it.

The walk back to the truck was eerily quiet, the silence feeling oppressive. They couldn’t help but keep sneaking worried and fearful glances at their unconscious friend, resting in Oono’s arms after the chaos of the night. The folder of papers tucked under Sakuma’s arm felt heavy, the thought alone of what he could find in it making him sick.

Genda’s new condition was met with many more scared and horrified looks. They were all too tired to even attempt to explain what happened, the others too shocked to pressure them for answers.

The ride back home was silent, no one daring to speak up, just agreeing without a word to watch over Genda, to help him no matter what.

As much as he tried to, Sakuma couldn’t bring himself to open that folder yet.

When they finally got back to Genda’s home, no one wanted to leave it, the memory of the trashed and destroyed place not even a week ago still fresh on their mind. After such a stressful day, all they could manage was make sure Genda wasn’t bleeding or physically injured in any serious way before taking him back to his own room, leaving him to rest in his bed. He deserved that much.

Somehow, they all managed to get settled in the living room between the couch, chairs and floor. No one wanted to talk about how hard it was to fall asleep, how someone was always getting up to walk upstairs and make sure their friend was still there.

It was a long night.


	12. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is when i really got invested into writing this fic so now yall gotta put up with it

A sudden crash from the upper floor woke them all up, some managing to get back on their feet right away, others falling to the floor in a heap of limbs and panic. Sakuma was the first to rush up the stairs, not paying any mind to anyone who was following, opening the door with more strength than necessary.

Genda was on the floor, flinching as the door slammed open, his head snapping up and staring at Sakuma. His tail was curling between his legs, his ears turning back and his body shaking. Sakuma wasn’t sure if he could ever get used to looking at those animal parts that would never belong.

“H-hey… Genda…” he didn’t know what to say, just weakly hoped that they could move forward after this.

Genda didn’t reply, just moved from looking at him to staring down at his hands, and the fur and claws he still wasn’t accustomed to. He opened his mouth, trying to say something, only to close it again, nothing but shaky, choked out sobs coming out of it.

With a soft sigh, Sakuma slowly stepped closer, just sitting on the floor next to him without a word. It was all Genda needed, nearly launching himself at him, clinging almost desperately as tears rolled down his cheeks.

The few ones who had managed to follow Sakuma up slowly stepped away once they saw the scene in front of their eyes, giving them the privacy they needed- the comfort Genda needed. They didn’t need to say it out loud, as soon as they saw that, they all knew they couldn’t let Genda down one more time.

It took far longer than Sakuma would’ve liked, but once he finally managed to go back to sleep, Genda slept a good chunk of the day away. No one dared to wake him up- he needed the sleep the most out of all of them. Tucking him into bed as soon as he passed out again during the night, Sakuma told everyone to go back to their own homes and rest. He doubted all of them would manage to fall asleep again, but it was still worth a shot.

He didn’t let anyone know that he was already planning on not sleeping. It wasn’t like he could really manage to after everything he had just seen, anyways.

Sakuma wasn’t sure what hour it was when Genda finally stirred. He didn’t care either, relieved just to see him waking up.

“Hey, Genda… so you’re awake now…” Genda blinked, squinting against the harsh sunlight filtered by the curtains.

“S-Sakuma…? I’m…”

“You’re safe now, don’t worry. We got you.”

For a moment, he just glanced at his surroundings, taking in the familiarity of his room, like he still couldn’t quite believe that this was all real. Slowly, a bit too hesitantly, he pushed himself up, now sitting on the bed. Then, he felt the tail that shouldn’t be there as he shifted on the bed, freezing when it brushed against his arm despite his best attempts at just keeping it still and pretending it didn’t exist.

And as he looked down at his tail, unsure if he was just trying to grab it to keep it still or see it with his own eyes to once again confirm that it was now a permanent addition to his body, his eyes fell on his hands, on the fingernails twisted into claws and the rough fur covering the back of his hands, a thinner line of it running up his arms and down his back, he could feel it even without touching it.

He hated it. He hated all of it, all of what those bastards had done, of what they had turned him into.

Not knowing what to do, where to even start talking to him, Sakuma hesitantly stood up. He could at least take some care of him now, as little as it was.

“… I’ll go get some food- I guess we both need it by now.” Genda quietly nodded, still busy staring down at his hands, at the claws and fur that didn’t belong there. He wasn’t sure what to say- if there even was something he could say. Sakuma just stepped out of the room, leaving him to rest a bit longer. He needed it.

Eventually, Genda pushed himself out of bed. He didn’t want to be still anymore, he needed to get out and do something before overthinking all the hell he had just survived could drive him crazy.

First, the bathroom. He didn’t have the energy to take a shower yet, but some cold water would work for now, anything to make him feel less like shit.

In the bathroom, he pointedly avoided looking into the mirror, didn’t even try to run his wet hands through his hair- feeling his ears as they twitched and moved against his will was already enough. All he did was splash some cold water on his face to wake up, then take a good while to wash off all the dried blood on his hands. He didn’t even want to remember how that got there.

As soon as he was back into his room, he took off the gown, not sure of how grateful he was for being left in that, to then throw it to the floor with a bit more strength than necessary.

Genda picked up the first pair of pants he could find, getting ready to pull them on- and then he froze, staring at it, then back at his tail. Taking a deep breath, he threw the pants to the floor, going through his drawers until he found an old pair of loose shorts. It was still uncomfortable, having to stuff his tail in one of the shorts’ legs so it wouldn’t get in the way, but it would have to do for now. Now he had to take care of the rest of his clothes.

As he piled on the bed all the pants he could find, his eyes fell on the discarded gown. Dropping the clothes in his hands on the bed, he couldn’t pry his eyes off the thinner fabric. The embroidered number was clearer in the daylight, almost mocking him.

Genda forced himself to step forward, closer and closer until he was just a few steps away from the gown, his hands clenched into fists with enough strength to dig his claws into his palms, only stopping himself before it could draw blood- the last thing he wanted was to give his friends even more reasons to worry. Hesitantly and carefully, he picked up the gown with both hands, staring at it and at the number. Then, he dug his claws in with a snarl, tearing into the fragile fabric with a startling ease, ripping and yanking until it was nothing more than a pile of shredded fabric at his feet.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, leaving before what little was left of the laboratory’s scent could fully hit him. He would clean that up later, there were other things to do now.

* * *

“Genda? Is everything alright?” Once he heard the frustrated groans, he stepped out of the kitchen, greeted by the sight of Genda sitting on the living room’s floor, his tail uncomfortably wrapped around one of his legs, scissors in his hands as he worked on the back of a pair of pants, the rest of them thrown into a messy pile on the couch. “What are you doing…?” Genda let go of the scissors with a frustrated sigh, putting down the now ruined pants.

“It’s… it’s this.” He just gestured at his tail, not even wanting to look at it. “… I can’t wear anything without it getting in the way, so…”

Sakuma stared at the mess on the floor for a moment. Then he left the room, coming back a few minutes later with the sewing kit to sit on the floor next to him.

“Hand me a pair.” Genda blinked, but did as told, handing him a still intact pair of pants from the pile. Sakuma then reached for the scissors and got to work. Genda tilted his head, staring as he measured, cut and sewed the edges of the new hole. It wasn’t the best, still uneven and stitched just enough to keep the fabric from falling apart, but if it worked… “Here- go put this on and see if it works like that.”

“Alright…” He grabbed the pants, eyeing them skeptically before walking to the bathroom. When he walked out, he kept glancing at his tail, now freely moving behind him, no longer stuck inside his pants.

“Is that better?” After stealing another uneasy glance at it, Genda decided to nod.

“I… guess so.”

“We’ll fix this, alright? Don’t worry.” Sakuma really wished he could be talking about his condition. “Come on- if we work on this together it’ll be faster.” With another quiet nod, Genda sat down on the floor again, this time more comfortable without the tail getting tangled in odd ways. They were quiet as they worked on the rest of his clothes, quickly falling into a rhythm, Genda carefully cutting –as careful as he could be with the claws getting in the way of handling the scissors- and then handing them to Sakuma for him to sew.

Once they were done, Sakuma started putting away the sewing kit, to then look at the mess on the floor. Genda stood up, already gathering his clothes.

“Don’t worry about this- I’ll clean it up.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind helping.” Genda just nodded, putting everything on the couch.

“It’s fine, really- you already helped a lot.” Sakuma wanted to protest, to reassure him that it was no problem, that he wanted to keep helping him. He stopped himself before opening his mouth again. After everything that just happened, maybe he needed the distraction.

“Alright, then… I’ll leave you to it- just let me know if you do need help.”

“Will do.” Sakuma had a feeling that he wouldn’t. With a soft sigh, he got up, taking a quick look around.

“Then… I’ll go see the others. I need to go talk to them. I’ll be back in a while.” The way Genda’s shoulders tensed up ever so slightly wasn’t missed on Sakuma. “I promise, I’ll make it as quick as I can… but it’s important.”

“It’s alright- I get it, I’ll be fine.” When he turned to look at him, there was a faint smile on Genda’s face, his best attempt at reassuring Sakuma. He didn’t quite believe that.


	13. 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is becoming Sakuma worries a lot the fic

Even after leaving the house, Sakuma couldn’t help but keep glancing at it, almost expecting something to happen if he was away for too long. Doing his best to push those thoughts away, he headed towards the closest house, knocking on the door, still glancing around in search of any danger, even when he tried to tell himself that it was just paranoia and everything would be alright. Sakiyama opened the door, looking more disheveled than what Sakuma could ever remember seeing, hair messy, sleeves rolled up and oil stains all over his clothes and mask.

“… Did I interrupt something?”

“No, no… just working.” It looked more like trying to work himself into exhaustion, honestly. “Is everything okay? Is he…”

“He’s… fine. Sort of. Not really.” The truth was, not even Sakuma was sure of how Genda was doing. He quietly sighed, mindlessly playing with a loose strand of hair. “… It’s hard. I don’t know when he’ll get used to it…” Or if. Neither of them wanted to talk about that. “Can I use your phone? I still haven’t called Kidou and Fudou… and I don’t think he’d want to overhear that.”

“Sure- come in. Just don’t be too loud- Wataru fell asleep a few hours ago.”

“Alright… thanks.” He didn’t comment on how Henmi was probably getting more sleep than either of them by now.

Their living room was even more of a mess than their own house, tools, parts and books scattered on the floor, blueprints strewn on the coffee table. Henmi was laying on the couch, softly snoring, tucked in with a blanket. Going by how that blanket was the least messy part of the room, Sakiyama must’ve put it on him with the utmost care once he passed out.

Careful of not stepping on anything, Sakuma crossed the room and reached the phone, absently inserting the number always at the back of his mind, waiting for the call to go through. While he waited, Sakiyama deemed it to be time to take a break from whatever he had been working on, a yawn muffled by his mask as he headed to the bathroom.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Kidou.”

“Sakuma-?! What- what happened?!” All the exhaustion in his voice vanished in a split second, Kidou now sounding more awake and alert. Sakuma didn’t even want to think of how bad the night must’ve been for those two.

“It’s… it’s complicated, but we have some good news- we got him. We have Genda.” The first thing he heard was the sigh of pure relief, followed by a conversation he couldn’t quite make out. Kidou must’ve been talking to Fudou to give him the news.

“I… good, that’s really good to know… thank you…” He couldn’t imagine how worked up Kidou must’ve been after finding out what happened. “… How is he?” That was the part Sakuma was scared of talking about. He took a deep breath, trying to sort his own thoughts, quickly realizing that he had no idea where to even start.

“He’s… he’s not doing well, honestly… I… none of us know what to do.” He had been thinking about it, too afraid to even touch the folder of files just yet. He didn’t want to, but they didn’t really have a choice. “… We need you to come back. I can’t explain- I don’t know how to explain this mess- we just need you to come… Genda needs you. I don’t even know where to start here…”

It was the thing he truly hated admitting. Knowing he didn’t have the skills he needed to solve this situation, having to beg for help. He hated all of it.

“We’re taking the next train.” Kidou didn’t even hesitate to answer, even without knowing the full situation. “Don’t worry about it- whatever it is, we’ll find a way to help Genda- together.”

“Thank you… thank you…” He didn’t even know what else to say. “I’ll… go tell the others then. See if they’ll finally get some rest while we wait.” Even with Genda already back with them, there was still a lingering tension in the air, everything that happened in just a few hours too much to take in right away. They still needed time to recover from everything. “I’ll check on your home too- I’ll make sure it’s all clean and in order-”

“Sakuma.” Kidou suddenly cut him off, now having his full attention. “Go with Genda. And rest- you need it as much as they all do.”

“But-”

“No buts- just go with him, make sure he’s resting and get some sleep yourself, you sound like you’re about to collapse. We’ll be there soon, alright?”

“… Fine, I give up- I’ll go take a nap. Better?”

“Yes. Take care of yourself too, you idiot. I’ll go make Fudou pack his stuff now, we should be there by tomorrow.”

“Alright, see you tomorrow…” and Kidou hung up the call, no doubt to force Sakuma to go back home and rest. A moment later, Sakiyama walked back into the living room, his hands clean and a glass of water in his hand, wordlessly offering it to Sakuma. With a nod and a soft thanks, Sakuma accepted the glass.

“… So, Kidou is coming back?”

“With Fudou.” He quietly sighed as he put down the empty glass next to the phone. “I just… I think we need help with Genda now that he’s… we don’t have enough in depth knowledge in alchemy to even know how to help him. They have the resources.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over that.” Sakuma stared at him, frowning in confusion. “You did the most out of all of us to get him out of there. Don’t think you’re not doing enough.”

He really wanted to believe that.

“… Thanks for letting me in. I should be going back now.” Sakiyama just nodded, walking him to the door to say goodbye.

“Hey.” Sakuma turned to him as he opened the door. “You can always come and ask if you need anything- you and Genda too.”

“Alright… thank you.”

They both knew it wouldn’t be easy to take up that offer, not with everything going on. Knowing their friends were still there for them was enough for now.

When he stepped back into their house, Genda was sitting cross legged on a chair, nibbling on the sandwich he had left on the table before leaving, his tail gently swaying behind him and looking much more at ease than a few hours ago. Small progress, but still progress.

“Do you want anything else?” Genda just sort of nodded as he chewed and swallowed the last of his sandwich, staring at the now empty plate.

“… I’m still hungry.” It wasn’t surprising, they were all used to Genda being a big eater. Sakuma couldn’t help but be concerned anyways, just trying to push away the thoughts of how he must’ve been treated.

“Alright, I’ll make you another sandwich- you shouldn’t be eating anything too heavy for now.” Genda frowned, not happy with that, but quietly agreed, understanding where Sakuma was coming from.

While Sakuma prepared the next sandwich, Genda waited, still staring down at his new claws and fur, still not quite believing what he had been turned into. He already knew that as much as he tried, he would never completely get used to it. Before he could think too much about it, Sakuma pushed the plate in front of him along with a glass of water, letting him focus on his food instead and taking a seat on the other side of the table.

As Genda ate in silence, Sakuma rested his chin on his hand, a finger tapping the table, his thoughts still lingering on the recent conversation, then looking back at Genda.

“… Hey.” Genda stopped before taking another bite, still chewing and looking at him. Sakuma waited for him to swallow before continuing. “I… I spoke to Kidou. He and Fudou are coming back for a while- they might be back tomorrow if they catch the train in time.”

As expected, Genda nearly choked, barely remembering to reach out for the glass of water.

“They… they’re really coming?” His ears dropped, his tail suddenly still. Sakuma just nodded, trying not to focus on how he just made Genda feel with his request for help.

“You… you don’t have to see them yet if you don’t want to. It’s alright-”

“I-it’s fine.” It didn’t sound like it was. “They would find out anyways… might as well let them know now.”

“Are you sure you’re comfortable with this?” Genda quickly nodded. “Okay… I haven’t told them anything yet, but…”

“Thank you. For not telling them right away.”

“It’s no problem.” As if he didn’t understand needing time to prepare for stressful reveals- maybe not to this level, but he understood in a way.

He just had to hope that it would be enough time.


	14. 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope people are still liking this story even with how slow it's been-

Sakuma had gotten up early the next day, rushing to get ready and step out as soon as he could.

As much as he tried to be quiet and hurry up, he still wasn’t quiet enough.

“What are you doing…?” Right as he was in the middle of pulling on a shirt after a quick shower, Genda had stepped out of his room, ears twitching and yawning as he rubbed his eyes. Sakuma couldn’t help but stare at the fangs that shouldn’t be there.

“It’s nothing- Kidou and Fudou are coming back today, I’ll go greet them.”

“… Oh… alright…” It was not fine, Sakuma could tell. “You should hurry up before they get here.” Before Sakuma could ask him what was wrong, Genda was already back in his room. As much as he wanted to knock on his door and stubbornly wait until Genda decided to come and talk, Sakuma let it be, at least for now- with everything that happened in just a few days, Genda needed some time to himself.

Well, that was one more thing to add to the list they had to work on. If only they could start making it shorter already.

As peaceful and quiet as the day was, Sakuma couldn’t really help the dread building up in his insides.

He couldn’t help but keep glancing over his shoulder every few steps he took, as if expecting to see someone there, ready to attack him and take Genda away from him again.

Even with all their friends aware of the situation and keeping an eye on Genda, even after asking them to keep checking on him just to be sure he would be alright -or as fine as he could be after what he had to endure-, even when he knew no one could find him too, he couldn’t help the fear. What if they had been followed? What if the military was after them, just waiting for their chance? What if he came back to an empty, broken home again?

He couldn’t allow it- not again.

Waiting on the street on the way home instead of closer to the station did little to ease his worries. Sakuma kept glancing at the empty road, just hoping that Fudou and Kidou wouldn’t take much longer to finally show up. He really couldn’t stand the wait that day, foot tapping impatiently and a hand constantly running through his hair.

He only allowed himself to breathe again once he spotted the two figures coming closer, silently grateful that they had left their uniforms behind this time around.

“Kidou, Fudou!” When they looked up to find him, he quickly stepped closer to greet them. Kidou nodded to greet him back, Fudou just waving a hand. As much as they tried to keep it casual and act like nothing was wrong, there was still a heavy discomfort hanging in the air. Sakuma tried to ignore that for a moment, just glancing around in search of anything out of the normal. “Everything alright?”

“Officially we’re here for research and can take as much time as we want.” Kidou gave him a faint smile. “Don’t worry, no one followed us.”

“Calm down- no one’s gonna find out anything.” Even with Fudou’s usual snappy tone, the concern in his voice was still very much clear, hardly hidden. He didn’t want to wait any longer, already walking ahead of them while they caught up.

Sakuma sighed in relief. Even if he was still feeling somewhat paranoid, that did help, at least a bit.

It was all gone once he remembered that they still had to find out about Genda.

“Where is he…?” Sakuma sighed, gesturing at their house.

“Inside. He hasn’t come out much lately… can’t really blame him…” not after what happened. How it happened.

“I see…” A moment of uncomfortable silence followed. It wasn’t like finding the right words for something like this was easy for either of them. “… Do you have any information on this? Anything we should be looking into?”

“We found some… files in a folder. When we went in there to get him out. I haven’t touched them yet, but… I figured you would know better than us what to do now.”

“Alright…” Neither of them were exactly sure on what Sakuma expected them to find, but if he felt the need to call them… it couldn’t be good. “Let’s go then… I want to see how he’s doing. Fudou is not admitting to it, but he hasn’t even gone to sleep last night.” Sakuma tried not to flinch at that, already having a pretty good idea of the reaction they were about to get. Maybe he should’ve actually told them what they were dealing with. It was no use worrying over that by now, not when they were already there.

The walk back home was silent.

“Genda! I’m back- Kidou and Fudou are here too!” Sakuma stepped inside and into the living room, the other two right behind him. Then, he blinked at the sight greeting him. “… Genda?”

Genda had wrapped himself in a blanket, barely peeking out of it to watch them, not an inch of his body visible. Had it not been for the situation and the knowledge that he was doing it out of fear of rejection –or worse-, Sakuma would’ve found it cute. Now it was just breaking his heart.

Sakuma sat on the couch next to him, gently placing a hand on his shoulder- or at least where he expected it to be. It was hard to tell with how much he was hiding inside the blanket.

“It’s alright… we’re just trying to help you.” Genda didn’t look too convinced, even knowing that these were all his friends. “No one will take you away again, I promise. It’s just us here, no one else.”

It took him a while to be comfortable enough to come out of hiding, Sakuma still at his side, more patient than he has ever been. Finally, Genda sighed, looking away as he let go of the blanket, letting it slide off his shoulders. He flinched when he heard their gasps, eyes snapping shut, ears turning back and tail curling closer to his body.

“… What the fuck did they do…” Fudou’s voice was low, fists clenched tight enough to make his knuckles go white and dig his nails into his palms, almost shaking in anger. He looked ready to run out and barge right into that laboratory, to find whoever had done this and ensure they would suffer so much more than what their sick excuse of a research had done to him.

“… They said they needed more chimeras.” Genda let out a bitter chuckle, tail flicking. “They said they failed too… I don’t even want to think of what they considered a success- or what they would’ve done then.” He didn’t seem to care about how uncomfortable the following silence had become. They couldn’t really blame him for it, not after what he had gone through.

Sakuma gently squeezed Genda’s shoulder to reassure him before standing up. They must’ve already figured out why exactly he had called them.

“We need to talk now.” Before anyone could say anything else, Genda looked up.

“You want to talk about the files, don’t you?” A weak smile crossed his face, his feeble attempt at reassuring them that it was alright. Sakuma tried to explain himself, maybe even come up with an excuse, but Genda shook his head and kept talking. “You don’t have to hide it from me- whatever you’ll read there I’ve probably heard it from them already.”

“… Are you sure? This…”

“I know what it is. It can’t be worse than what I already am. You don’t have to protect me from it.” He sounded just as serious as he was disgusted. Sakuma almost wanted to protest, to say he wasn’t ready to look at it so soon, but held his tongue and nodded. If there was anyone that deserved to know more than anyone else, it was Genda. He had the right to know what happened to his own body.

“Alright- but if you ever need us to stop or need a break or anything else… just say it, okay?” Genda nodded, more to calm him down than anything else. It was good enough for him. He just had to hope that it would really be good enough.


	15. 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm falling asleep and i ALMOST forgot to post this. but here is another chapter i really like please enjoy :)

With everything sorted out –hopefully-, Sakuma brought out the folder for them to open and look at, all their eyes already set on the pages inside. Genda’s grip on the blanket was suddenly tighter. Sakuma sat down at his side once again, refusing to leave him alone.

It started relatively normal, the first page being nothing more than medical records, measurements, blood tests and such. Nothing out of the ordinary or helpful, the sheet was quickly pushed aside.

The second page was the same thing- about the animal they used in their experiment instead. A lion, along with all the important information on it.

What followed was mostly hypotheses, theories and expected results, more collection of data and notes about the array and the process. Array design aside, none of it was really relevant, quickly skimmed over once they were sure it wasn’t something they had to read.

Then, they got to one of the last pages. Kidou hesitantly picked it up to read it out loud.

“… The resulting chimera has been declared a failure. Subject displays evident animal traits with no way of hiding them, thus making the subject unfit for military and infiltration purposes. It is believed that the subject’s senses and physical abilities have been enhanced by the transmutation, but the extent of this is currently unknown. Further research on the subject’s current condition may be required before making further progress-” Kidou had to cut himself off, sharply inhaling and closing his eyes. That couldn’t be good news. Sakuma wasn’t sure he wanted to keep listening, swallowing hard as he reached out to take Genda’s hand. If it was for his own or Genda’s comfort, he wasn’t sure.

“… What does it say?” Genda barely found his voice to speak up. Sakuma could feel him shaking, gently squeezing his hand in a weak attempt to reassure him. He wasn’t sure it would work.

“… A study will be conducted to determine which animal subjects will be best suited to complement the subject’s current abilities. Once a decision has been taken and the animal subject has been obtained, a new date will be scheduled to carry out the next transmutation. Should the subject survive the procedure, any other transmutation deemed necessary will be carried out until the subject is deemed fit for any of the roles requested by the military.”

Sakuma had to force himself to swallow and calm himself down before he could throw up. Kidou could barely get through all the text, already feeling sick to his stomach. Fudou’s hands were clenched into fists, looking ready to snap and go hunt down the bastards responsible for this.

Genda was frozen in his seat, his insides going cold as he carefully listened to every word. He was shaking, eyes wide and breath quickening, all he could think of was that day, the sight of the array meticulously carved on the floor, the lion dragged in and then light, blinding light that made his body feel like it was burning feeling nothing but pain pain _pain_ -

“-Genda! Genda, it’s fine, you’re not there with them!” He barely blinked and glanced at Sakuma, quickly looking away, still not quite there.

“… T-they were going to do it a-again.” His claws were starting to dig into his arms hard enough to draw blood. “T-they were g-going to do it again- t-they weren’t happy with d-doing it just o-once- t-they-”

“Genda- listen to me- look at me, please.” Somehow, he managed to do as Sakuma asked, trying his hardest to just focus on him, to only feel the hand taking his own and not the pain so unbearable it would make him throw up and pass out. “They won’t touch you ever again- I promise you’re safe now, really.”

“They… they are very unlikely to try to find you now. It’s… it’s a lot cheaper to use their resources on finding new test subjects… rather than going after someone who ran away… especially when they considered the transmutation a failure.” Kidou looked paler than usual, crossing his arms and trying to keep his voice even as he went over the very disturbing information. “Even if they found you by accident… trying to kidnap you and bring you back alive would be too much money wasted for them. They won’t be coming after you again.”

It wasn’t much, the implications making his stomach churn, but Genda weakly nodded, letting the most important part sink in. They wouldn’t want to waste money and effort on bringing him back, not when he had been a failed chimera. They didn’t want him back anymore.

It still took a while to calm him down, still shaking like he had been standing barefoot in the snow for hours, Sakuma holding him close and whispering soft words into his ear, not caring about how long it was taking or who was watching. Eventually, when he felt Genda had finally stopped shaking, he looked at him, only to find his friend fast asleep in his arms- more like fell unconscious from sheer exhaustion. He didn’t want to think of how badly he must’ve slept –if he slept- to pass out so quickly as soon as he was in welcoming arms, how much all this was heavy on him, breaking and tearing him apart. Making sure he would be comfortable on the couch, Sakuma let him sleep, his head resting on his lap.

“… Is there anything else in that folder?” Fudou had finally found his voice. Kidou shook his head for a moment before looking down at the papers, still distraught by the whole situation.

“Yes… there’s still more.”

“Read it now.” Kidou stared at him, eyes wide, almost wanting to ask if he was serious. “Do you really think he should be listening to whatever other shit is in there after that? If there’s something important we can tell him later.”

“… Fudou is right. He doesn’t need to hear that right now. Let’s hear the rest of it.” As much as it made his stomach churn and his blood boil. Kidou sighed, knowing there was no way to change their minds- not like it mattered, he understood perfectly where they were coming from.

“Fine…” and he reluctantly moved onto the next sheet. He quickly regretted that decision.

Subject has shown increasingly aggressive behavior since the transmutation.

Subject threatened the guards in charge, displaying clear animal behavior and instincts, growling at anyone stepping within 6 to 8 feet of the cage. May require additional supervision.

Subject has attempted to bite and claw a guard who had stepped within reach, successfully injuring him. Additional measures may be required to handle the subject. Training is currently under consideration.

Neither of them protested when Kidou slammed the folder shut. Sakuma was pale, staring at nothing, a hand slapped on his mouth when he felt the bile rising to his throat. Fudou’s grip on the fabric of his jacket was tight enough that it would rip it apart at the slightest tug. They didn’t manage to get through all of the files- they didn’t want to keep reading anymore.

“Fudou- stay calm.” Kidou’s words had the opposite effect. Fudou barely kept himself from screaming at him, some part of him still aware of Genda who was still asleep right next to them.

“Stay calm- how the fuck do you want me to stay calm?!” He was hissing at this point, venom dripping from his words. “Look at what the fuck they did to him! They just- used him like a fucking guinea pig for their fucked up experiments and no one would’ve ever stopped it! They were treating him like an animal- and who knows how much worse it would’ve gotten!” He had to cut himself off before he could lose what little strand of patience and control he had been clinging to, his breathing heavy and deep as he tried as hard as he could to keep himself under control.

“We’re just as furious as you are, but now it’s not the time. He needs all the help we can give him now.” Sakuma was somehow managing to keep his voice steady, even when he was seconds away from emptying his stomach in the nearest trash can. “You didn’t see him in that cage- trust me when I say he needs us more than he needs revenge right now.” Fudou leaned back on the chair, shoulders slumping.

“… If I ever see any of those bastards none of you will hold me back.” He could already feel one of many headaches coming. “So, now what?”

“Now we stay here and help him through this.” How Kidou was managing to sound more composed than either of them, they didn’t know. “… There is no way to reverse chimeric alchemy. We can just help him keep going like this.”

It wasn’t what Sakuma wanted to hear, even when deep down he was sure that part of him already knew that, only really calling them to figure out just how much was wrong with Genda now rather than to find a solution to this. He just didn’t want to accept it and admit it was true.

No one said anything else, the air tense and uncomfortable, knowing Genda was sleeping in peace only a small relief. Fudou eventually stood up, almost knocking down the chair, heading towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Fudou coldly sneered at the question.

“Where does it look like I’m going? Out- I need to get some air.” He didn’t wait for an answer, surprisingly careful of not slamming the door shut on the way out. Sakuma frowned as he watched the door closing, sighing before looking down at Genda. At least he was resting for now.

“… Don’t be so hard on him. He has known Genda since they were kids… this is being hard for everyone.”

“I know… I know…”

Sakuma was really starting to wonder if they would ever go back to some sort of normalcy. If this entire mess wouldn’t keep hurting everyone around them like this.


	16. 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a bit of a short one this time around but i hope you'll like it anyways-

Fudou came back with bloodied knuckles and dirty clothes, a scowl on his face as he sat down and glared at the papers still innocently sitting on the table, likely considering the pros and cons of just tossing them into the fireplace. Sakuma didn’t need to talk to him to know that he hadn’t managed to take out his anger, no matter how many things he broke or how much his own hands bled.

“… Where did Kidou go?”

“He left a bit after you, said he wanted to go check home to make sure everything was fine there…” Sakuma offered him a glass of water before sitting down, Fudou muttering a thanks as he took it. “… And Genda is still asleep… took him to bed a while ago to let him rest. He… he hasn’t really been sleeping lately.” Fudou's grip on the glass was getting too tight for his own good.

“… He didn’t deserve this shit.”

Sakuma just looked away.

“… I’m sorry.”

Fudou raised an eyebrow, looking at him in disbelief. Sakuma refused to meet his eyes.

“What the hell are _you_ apologizing for?”

“I’m not stupid- I know he hasn’t worked for the military ever since he saved me. He never formally resigned, did he? And after helping an Ishvalan…” he could connect the dots. There was no way the military would be happy with what he did- and that was an understatement.

Sakuma expected to be blamed, to be yelled at and told to leave before he could ruin someone else’s life as well.

“Shut up- it’s not your fault that our government is full of bastards. Genda knew what he was getting into when he helped you- and he accepted it anyways.”

He didn’t expect Fudou's attempt at reassuring him that it was really out of his control, like his mere presence wasn’t a curse.

His hesitation didn’t go unnoticed, Fudou just huffing as he left the now empty glass on the coffee table.

“I’m serious- he’s always been an idiot, alright? You have no idea how many heart attacks he has given me ever since we met- I swear I’ve lost a few years of my life thanks to him.” He let out a soft, humorless chuckle as he looked away. “Even when we were freezing on the streets I couldn’t find a way to keep his jacket to himself- I always woke up with that thing on me like a blanket. He kept getting sick all the time because of that…”

It sounded terrifying to think about. It also sounded exactly like the sort of thing Genda would do. Sakuma tried very hard to hide a chuckle just picturing that in his mind.

“He’s really good at helping strays…” every little thing Genda had done for him all this time came to his mind, just trying to help him be more comfortable and feel at home after so many years. Fudou snorted at that, resting his chin on his palm as he stared into nothing.

“He really is… even while we were struggling to get food he would always split it the wrong way and end up giving me the bigger part- not even trying to force him to take some stopped him. And then he would go and give some of what he had left to the stray cats he found.” Just thinking about it was enough to exasperate him. “I have no idea how he managed to survive this long.”

Even with how terrible it all sounded, even with how much he hated just thinking of how much someone as kind and gentle as Genda had to suffer, Sakuma couldn’t help the tiny, sad smile on his lips. It didn’t surprise him to hear that, really- it was only to be expected with the kind of person Genda was.

“He’s really an idiot…”

And he couldn’t help being so fond of said idiot, so grateful to have met him.

He could only hope that what those bastards have done to him hasn’t broken his kindness.

With a soft sigh, Sakuma stood up, absently glancing at the window, sun already setting.

“It’s getting late… we should go to sleep for now. See what we can figure out tomorrow.”

They all needed to rest. Genda might be the one affected the most, but it was still a heavy burden on all of them. Fudou absently nodded, standing up to stretch his sore arms- he would definitely be getting an earful for what he had done to his own hands, but right now, he didn’t really care.

As he made his way back to his room, Sakuma couldn’t help but stop at Genda's door. Hesitantly, he slowly opened it, just enough to take a peek inside, feeling a little more at ease once he spotted the bundle of blankets still sleeping somewhat peacefully. Just to be completely sure, he carefully stepped inside- just a closer look, he told himself. That was all he needed, just to make sure that Genda was really sleeping at ease and not having another nightmare. He refused to admit that it was also to calm down his own fears of finding him gone once again.

To his relief, Genda was still fast asleep, tail occasionally flicking and ears twitching. He hoped that meant that he was at least having a good dream, he could really use some now.

The fur that now covered the back of his hands and lined his arms was more clearly visible as he clutched the pillow. It was a sight Sakuma still couldn’t quite get used to, some small part of him still refusing to believe this was really permanent, not wanting to accept the fact that they had really turned his life into hell after how hard he had tried to escape from the military- and it was permanent now. He would always have to look at himself and remember what had happened. The pain he had to endure.

Silently, Sakuma made his way out of the room once he could no longer keep watching. They would be fine, they would get through this, one way or another.

He needed to believe at least that now.


	17. 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot to post this I don't know what time is anymore

Nightmares were getting painfully frequent at night. As much as Sakuma knew they should’ve expected this, should’ve seen them coming, it didn’t hurt any less.

Sometimes, Genda just silently endured them, relieved that he had managed to keep quiet and not wake up anyone else. More often, he ended up waking up Sakuma or Fudou, often both, muttering soft apologies when either of them walked into the room to check on him, ears low and tail wrapping around himself. They always reassured him that it wasn’t a problem, that they knew it wasn’t his fault and he couldn’t help it, just sitting on the edge of the bed with him to keep him company and help as much as they could to reassure him at least a little. Eventually, they just started taking turns to comfort him, not really caring anymore about being woken up so suddenly in the middle of the night- as long as Genda would be alright and get through the night, they didn’t care. It wasn’t surprising either of them when Genda kept telling them that he would be fine on his own, that they didn’t need to bother with staying up and losing sleep just to make sure he’d be the one getting some. It never worked to stop them. Sakuma felt at least a bit of relief knowing that despite it all, despite how much they had tried over and over –and succeeded, as much as he didn’t want to admit it- to break him, his friend was still there, still being the selfless idiot he needed in his life.

Hopefully, not too much was lost.

Unsurprisingly, Sakuma was woken up that night by the sudden scream. He was out of bed and on his feet within seconds, already rushing to get out of his room and to Genda's. Fudou was already opening his door and ready to walk out of his room when Sakuma stepped out, just as worried as him, Sakuma silently gesturing that he could go back to bed, he’d be taking care of this. Fudou didn’t look too convinced, too worried over Genda to really go back to sleep like nothing was wrong, but reluctantly agreed and let Sakuma handle it.

Just as he expected, Genda was wide awake and sitting on the bed, arms and tail wrapped around himself, eyes wide, completely unresponsive. So it was one of the worst ones. With a soft sigh, Sakuma took a careful step closer.

“Hey, Genda… It’s alright- you’re safe, alright? Please, listen to me… it’s okay…”

To his relief, Genda soon snapped out of his nightmare, taking a moment to fully focus and see him there.

“S-Sakuma…? I…” When he was awake and aware enough, the realization finally hit him. “I- I woke you up again…? I’m sorry…”

Now that he had his attention, Sakuma didn’t hesitate to step closer, sitting on the bed next to him and opening his arms, all the invitation Genda needed to go in for a much needed hug. Sakuma held him as close as he could, not so subtly nuzzling into his neck, rubbing gentle circles on his back to comfort him.

“Don’t apologize, alright? It’s not your fault.” He would repeat it for as many times as Genda needed to hear it until he would finally believe it.

For what felt like hours, they just stayed there like that, just sitting together in a comfortable silence, Sakuma refusing to let go of him any time soon. Not like Genda wanted him to let go, even when he still couldn’t help but feel like he was being nothing more than a burden like that. If Sakuma didn’t mind, then he would keep leaning into the gentle touch and affection.

Eventually, Sakuma moved one of his hands up almost on instinct, resting it on his messy hair, brushing it so carefully and running his fingers through it to keep soothing him and hopefully, help him go back to sleep too. It was starting to work too, he could feel Genda slowly relaxing, no longer as tense and on edge, leaning into the touch, ears occasionally twitching as he got more comfortable. Just seeing him so at ease was already enough to make Sakuma smile, just happy to see him happier, hoping that eventually, they would get further than that, they would make him genuinely smile and laugh like before.

Then, Sakuma felt it- a soft, rumbling noise. A noise coming from Genda.

Genda was purring. And he still hadn’t noticed it.

Sakuma didn’t have to say anything, his split second of hesitation and his hand going suddenly still all it took. Genda's eyes suddenly snapped open and went wide, the purring stopping just as suddenly.

“Genda…?” Genda just pulled away so fast, it was almost like he had been burned by the touch alone, his ears low and almost disappearing into his hair, looking anywhere but at Sakuma. Sakuma just tried to hide how much it hurt to see Genda almost afraid of his touch, just taking a deep breath and doing his best to stay calm. “Genda- it’s okay, I-”

“I’m not- I’m not an animal-”

The fear, shame and doubt in his voice broke Sakuma's heart all over again.

“You’re not- it’s fine, really-”

What could he even say to this? Seeing his friend suffer like that because of something he had no way of controlling? He wanted to do something, anything to help- to hold him so close and tightly, to reassure him that it was alright, that he was still the same for them, that no one thought any different of him even with the animal blood in his veins. He couldn’t bring himself to do any of that, too afraid to hurt him even more with something as small as a touch.

Sakuma could only keep weakly hoping that things would get better. Now, all he could do was stay at his side and hope that would be enough for now.


	18. 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to whoever is still reading this mess of a fic- how are you doing it

Sakuma had taken up the habit of preparing their meals ever since… well, all that stuff happened. He didn’t mind too much, not wanting to put any pressure on Genda just yet. Even when he was still pretty bad at cooking just about anything without bigger complications. He was trying, though. At least he was starting to get better. Small relieves.

Even when he tried to tell Genda that it was fine and he didn’t need any help, Genda insisted on at least keeping an eye on him whenever he could and making sure he wouldn’t nearly kill himself in the kitchen. Even when he tried to sneak in a helping hand whenever he could. It was the best compromise Sakuma could get out of him. He refused to admit that he did, in fact, need the help, too prideful and too deep into the rabbit hole of recipe books and cooking duties to really back down now.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise that he managed to burn his fingers just by cooking some eggs, really- his accidents were one of the many reasons everyone else had been checking on them and bringing already cooked food, much to his dismay and hurt dignity.

With a string of muttered curses, Sakuma rushed to put his finger under the cool water, his mutters devolving into a quiet, angry rambling in Ishvalan pretty quickly. He still hadn’t lost the habit of cursing as much as he could when the occasion called for it –and even when it didn’t-, it just so happened that now, with an extra language at his disposal, he had twice as many curses to use. Ishvalan ones were still the ones he defaulted to, though. Not like any of those curses helped his injured finger stop stinging and hurting like hell.

“… What?”

Genda, as usual, had been sitting at the table to wait for him to be done, not really wanting to be alone and not having anything better to do. Sakuma turned to look at him with a quirked eyebrow.

“What’s wrong? Come on, don’t tell me you don’t remember this with how much I like to swear?” He smiled at his own attempt at a very lame joke. It faded once he saw Genda’s confused face. “… I know we haven’t spoken in Ishvalan for a long time, but…”

“… I don’t… remember this…” When he looked up at Sakuma, the confusion in his eyes was very much real, as much as the hint of fear and pain. “Did I… know this before…?”

Sakuma could only stare at Genda, his eye wide and his mouth gaping. What could he even say to this?

His silence was enough of an answer.

“… What did I forget…?”

“… D-don’t worry about it- we’ll figure it out.” Genda didn’t quite believe him, his ears dropping as he glanced away, already looking defeated. The sight was enough to break his heart.

Taking a deep breath, Sakuma stepped closer, carefully reaching out to take one of Genda's hands, as gentle as he could be. Genda's ears twitched, still not looking at him, but at least he didn’t swat his hand away. Sakuma really hoped that counted for something, and so, he gave it a hesitant squeeze in his attempts to cheer him up.

“… I promise, we’ll get through this. I’m not leaving you to deal with all of this on your own, alright?”

Genda didn’t look convinced- not like Sakuma could blame him. He nodded anyways, attempting to put on a smile, more for Sakuma's sake than his own, even when it was too forced to work.

Sakuma was too afraid to ask what else he had forgotten just yet.

Over the next few days, Sakuma was much more careful with what he said or brought up around Genda, paying more attention to his answers and reactions. He hated to see his suspicions confirmed.

Somehow, whatever had happened to Genda messed him up enough to screw up even his memories. As much as he wished it to be just a one-time thing, the blank spots were becoming more and more obvious, Sakuma silently cursing himself for not realizing it sooner. Of course there were going to be things those bastards screwed up and then willingly ignored when trying to make a loyal monster at their service- why should they care when all that mattered was having a perfect soldier? The thought alone was enough to make him feel sick to his stomach.

“What’s wrong? Sakuma?”

As much as he tried to keep it all to himself, Genda noticed something was wrong. Sakuma almost wanted to punch himself for that. He should’ve known better, he lived with Genda long enough to know how easily he could tell when someone was upset or needed help.

“It’s fine- don’t worry about it.”

Genda already had enough to worry about without adding to it. Genda shouldn’t have to worry about him too, not when helping him was what made him desert in the first place. What made them come look for him. Turn him into a monster.

“It’s not fine. What is it?”

Of course he was too stubborn to take the implied no for an answer.

Sakuma opened his mouth, only to close it again. He could tell him… but should he? Genda was already dealing with enough as it was, right? He shouldn’t be adding to it. Genda deserved to rest.

“… It’s… it’s nothing. Just been thinking a lot, that’s all.”

Genda frowned, narrowing his eyes. He didn’t believe him, not one bit, looking ready to keep pressuring. He just sighed instead, stepping back.

“… Fine. Just… make sure to rest. You need it.”

He didn’t wait for an answer before leaving.

Sakuma sighed, hiding his face in his hands. He already knew that he just messed up, even without being told. He just hoped Genda wasn’t taking it to heart.

This really wasn’t getting any easier, no matter how much time passed.


	19. 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bitches be like i'll write a simple fic and then sidetrack an entire chapter to write a friendship  
> it's me i'm bitches

This time, it was Fudou who got to him first after his usual nightmare, sitting at his side with his arms crossed once he had snapped him out of his night terrors.

“Sorry…”

Fudou just huffed hearing Genda's apology, something Genda had slowly learned to recognize as him not being really all that good when it came to dealing with this sort of situation, still trying to keep up his act even among friends.

“Stop apologizing, you haven’t done anything wrong- just get it through your thick skull already.”

Maybe before he would’ve flinched at how harsh he sounded- but now it was different. Genda could see the tension in his body. He knew that Fudou just had no idea how to help and absolutely hated being so powerless.

And for a while, they were just sitting there in an awkward silence, neither of them quite sure of what to say or do. Meanwhile, Fudou was internally cursing himself out for not knowing how to handle this, almost wishing that it had been Sakuma the one to step in instead. At least he knew how to soothe Genda's worries. Even when he had been the one to know him since they were kids and to grow up together with him. Fudou wasn’t sure if he could feel any more useless than he already did.

“… Can I… can I ask you something?”

Fudou looked at him. Genda was barely glancing at him, looking a bit too unsure in his own words for comfort. That couldn’t be a good sign.

“Uh- sure? What is it?”

“What… what happened when we met? I can’t… remember that well…”

Right. The bastards had screwed him up to the point of messing up his memories. Fudou had to take a deep breath just to stop himself from punching something- Genda didn’t need that right now.

“What… what do you remember?”

His tail flicked, crossing his legs and resting his elbow on his knee and his chin on his hand, humming as he thought about it.

“I… I remember the first time I saw you as a kid… it was on a street… and I gave you the food I had and…” he frowned as he tried to come up with something else, anything at all, just a little more than what he had- but to no avail, his mind was blank. He brought his knees up to his chest, resting his crossed arms on it with a frustrated growl. There was nothing else- and he hated it.

It was still more than what Fudou had expected.

“Yeah… we were both homeless kids back then. I was starving- and I was desperate, I didn’t know what to do anymore to survive. Couldn’t exactly steal anything when I couldn’t even stay on my feet. I don’t know how you found me… but then you gave me food. I didn’t even think before taking it. Then when I was done eating and you introduced yourself I realized that it was all you had.” He chuckled, partly exasperated and partly amused at what were now fond memories for him. “And after that you refused to leave me alone.”

Genda had all his attention on him, listening to every word coming from his mouth.

“So… we were close?”

“We were like brothers.” He could hardly stifle a laugh. “Even when I’m the older one by a few months, you’ve always been acting like an older brother. You kept accidentally splitting the food we had wrong and insisted that it was fine- even when we both knew that you were just doing it to give me the bigger part… you’d give me your jacket to sleep when it was cold, even when I got angry when I woke up and told you to stop…”

Even with how close they were to dying pretty much every day, Fudou still held those memories close to his heart, still liked to remember how he had learned that there was still kindness in this world. He knew that he would’ve never survived for as long as he did if it wasn’t for Genda's stupid optimism and stubbornness, refusing to stand by whenever he could help him.

“… I remember petting all the strays we found… I wanted to keep one… and you managed to stop me because I didn’t want to believe that we couldn’t help it…”

Fudou just nodded, trying to keep his surprise hidden. So he did remember something…?

“You kept insisting that it would be fine… I guess you were in denial about not being able to help…” He remembered hearing him hiccupping at night, trying to hide his tears when he was convinced that Fudou was asleep. His heart is just too damn kind…

There was a bitter smile on Genda's face. He was definitely regretting not being able to do something like he wished almost desperately.

“And… how did we end up joining the military…? You don’t… really seem like that kind of guy- no offense.”

“It’s fine- you’re right, I’m really not the guy for this kind of thing.” He huffed, not really eager to think back to that. “I already had a grasp on alchemy, I was trying to do something good with it just to help us survive- it was a bit easier for me, honestly… but we were in trouble- more than usual, anyways. The winter was getting closer, we didn’t have any food or shelter… you were getting sick after how much you were sacrificing for me… we were desperate, honestly.” He didn’t really need to explain much more.

“I… I see…” He wasn’t sure if he wanted to keep asking.

“… We talked a lot about how we would leave it when we were in a good enough situation to do it. We just planned on working there for as long as we needed to and quit when it became too much.” Fudou just sighed as he remembered that. “And we… we were talking about doing it soon… now that we have a roof over our heads and the means to keep ourselves on our feet without their help…”

Too bad it would never happen the way they expected, not anymore now. Maybe all the pain really wasn’t worth what they got in exchange.

They sat there in silence for what felt like hours, Fudou just letting Genda take his time to process everything he just heard, all those memories he had forgotten. Genda himself was quiet, either not quite wanting to speak up and keep asking yet or just too busy trying to wrap his mind around it all to really come up with any more questions. Then, he yawned.

“Go back to sleep, you need it.”

Genda wanted to protest, but it was cut short by another yawn. He was really struggling to stay awake by now. Fudou didn’t need to ask to know why he was being so stubborn. Nightmares were never easy to deal with. He just sighed, moving his chair a bit closer to the bed, getting more comfortable in it as he crossed his arms under Genda's confused glance.

“Come on, don’t be an idiot- I’ll stay here for a while, alright?”

Genda didn’t look too happy hearing that.

“You can’t do that- you need to sleep too!”

“It’s fine- don’t worry so much about it, okay? You need at least some company, don’t try to lie about it.” Genda just kept glaring at him. Fudou groaned. “I’ll go to bed after you already fell asleep, alright? Is that better?”

For a moment, Genda narrowed his eyes, staring at him as he tried to figure out how much of what he was saying was true. Fudou would never admit how much his stare unsettled him, his eyes almost dangerously shining in the darkness of the room. He almost hated himself for thinking of how much it made him look like a wild animal.

“… Fine. You better not be lying about that-”

“I’m not- just go to sleep already, please-”

Genda just huffed, but finally relented, pulling his blankets closer as he laid down on the bed and got comfortable. Fudou silently watched him until his breath finally evened out, the constant rise and fall of his chest letting Fudou sigh in relief. He finally looked more at ease while asleep like that.

Even if he did say that he would go to bed as soon as Genda fell asleep… Fudou already knew that he wouldn’t keep his word on that- at least not yet. There would be no harm in waiting a little bit- just to make sure Genda wouldn’t be waking up to another nightmare any time soon, to make sure he would rest like he so desperately needed now. And so, Fudou silently shifted in his seat, hoping that at least for tonight, Genda would be allowed to rest and recover without being haunted again.


	20. 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I genuinely forgot that it's friday time isn't real anymore

When Genda finally woke up and came down to get some much needed breakfast, Sakuma, Kidou and Fudou were already gathered around the dinner table with cups of what must be cold coffee and plates of sandwiches still untouched, papers scattered all over it. He wasn’t sure of how much he liked the thought of them spending so much time over those damned papers, just knowing they were reading every single, painful detail of that thing enough to make his skin crawl and his stomach churn. They didn’t look like they had gotten any real sleep either- he was sure that neither Sakuma nor Fudou were sleeping as well as they claimed they did, not when he kept waking them up, the guilt heavy on his heart. Knowing Kidou, he was definitely not sleeping too much either, the googles pulled over his eyes despite not needing to hide his red eyes from everyone there already enough of a giveaway on its own.

With a muttered good morning that was barely heard, he just turned to the cupboards, not even sparing a glance at the table nor paying any mind to the tired greetings he received. He’d just go eat in his room, they looked busy enough already to get in the way now.

While he tried to figure out what to eat without making anyone get up to help –he could still cook on his own just fine, like it or not-, he could hear some annoyed argument coming from the table. Genda didn’t really care enough to listen in- they had been awake for a good while already, he already knew all too well that some –if not all of them- might not even have gone to sleep that night or the whole week for all he knew, he really wasn’t willing to get into whatever argument they were having, especially knowing that it was much more likely to be over something stupid and meaningless. Sleep deprivation tended to do that.

It all came to a halt when someone knocked over a mug, the ceramic shattering as soon as it hit the floor and silence almost immediately falling over the room. There were groans and some insults thrown around, much weaker than a few moments ago, Genda flinching as he thought of the disaster to clean up.

Before he could take a good look at what happened or even figure out who started it, Fudou was already kneeling on the floor, still snapping at Kidou and Sakuma as he traced a quick array and gathered the broken shards, apparently not willing to lose in whatever petty argument they were having even as he busied himself trying to clean up the mess and salvage the mug.

Then, he touched the array and there was a crackle in the air, light soon following _and screams and blood splattered all over the cold floor he tried to stop it struggled tried to get away but it hurts **it hurts it-**_

“-nda! Genda!”

Genda blinked, breath heavy and labored as he took in his surroundings, looking around in confusion. Sakuma was in front of him, the closest one to him, eye wide in fear, hands raised as if trying to placate a cornered animal. Fudou was staring at him, frozen in place on the floor, snatching his hand away from the array like the chalk had suddenly burned him, Kidou watching all of them, concern in his eyes, not sure of what he was supposed to do.

Then, Genda realized that he was crouched on the counter, claws digging deep into it like he was prepared to pounce- or run away. He was still shaking, taking a while just to dig his claws out of the counter’s surface and still keep them intact, still not quite managing to relax enough to get out of his fight or flight instincts just yet. He could still feel the growl at the back of his throat, suddenly feeling the need to throw up once it finally hit him- he was prepared to fight for his life if he had to. He didn’t even know what happened, all he knew was that he could’ve attacked any of them at the slightest threat.

As soon as his feet touched the floor, Genda bolted out of the room and up the stairs, not stopping even when Sakuma begged him to, slamming the door to his room closed behind him. Still in a daze, all he could do was slump against the door, his own arms wrapping around himself, body shaking, still feeling like the air was knocked right out of him as much as he tried to just breathe and get himself under control once again, ears low and tail curled around one of his legs.

No one dared to break the silence yet, still processing what exactly happened. Sakuma couldn’t look away from the stairs Genda had nearly tripped over. He was running away.

“Genda…”

Genda ran away. From himself. From them.

Sakuma still didn’t want to believe it- couldn’t even begin to understand what was going on.

Fudou finally managed to find the strength to stand up, the neatly reformed mug sitting innocently on the floor in the middle of the array. He looked ready to punch something- or someone, fists clenched tight enough to dig his nails into his palms, shoulders shaking in what must’ve been hardly hidden anger.

“He was scared. And he tried to protect himself.”

Like an animal feeling cornered and threatened.

Fudou glanced down at the mug, not even bothering to hide his snarl. He was almost tempted to kick it, somehow barely managing to stop himself even with how tempting it was to just break something. Sakuma looked at Fudou, then at the mug, the confusion and worry in his face fading as he gasped, his eye wide, feeling like he had just been punched.

“He…”

Fudou silently nodded. Kidou took a sharp breath, finally catching on.

“He was scared of the transmutation.”


	21. 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 chapters away from the end... WOAH

Of course of all the things Genda was going through trauma triggered by alchemy was one of them. In hindsight, they should’ve seen it coming- being the subject of such a horrific transmutation wouldn’t be an experience he’d come out of unscathed. Sakuma felt so stupid- Genda was even more hurt now, their progress might as well be gone, all because of one stupid oversight that should’ve been so obvious there shouldn’t have been a way to miss it.

If there was anyone else that was taking it almost as bad, it was Fudou. He was angrier than usual, nearly snapping at anyone that so much as looked at him the wrong way, irritable and definitely not up to talking anymore.

Knowing that he was the one who triggered a panic attack like that, even if just by accident, it wasn’t hard to blame him.

Genda wasn’t really hanging around them as much anymore, preferring to keep to himself in the solitude of his room most of the time. No one had really managed to get more than a few words out of him, a low growl if they were stepping out of line or just talking too much for his liking. Sakuma was the only one that could really exchange more than a few words with him, even if it was just asking how he was doing or if he needed anything, handing him whatever he wanted to eat before watching him retreat to his room.

The tension in the air was feeling heavier with each day that passed.

They were all tired of it by now, Sakuma more than anyone else- Genda needed help, he couldn’t just keep standing by and letting this happen.

The only problem was how to actually approach this.

He couldn’t just go and tell Genda to please stop avoiding them and talk to them- not unless he wanted to cut ties with Genda entirely, really. As tempting as the option to leave the matter alone until Genda actually felt like talking was, Sakuma refused to take the easy way out- Genda didn’t deserve to be left alone to deal with such a heavy and painful burden all on his own. Even if none of them could truly understand how he was feeling and how much he was hurting, they had to try, he needed them.

The more he thought about it, the more Sakuma felt like he was walking on already cracked eggshells, just waiting for the next wrong step to break entirely under the pressure. The slightest touch was all it would take. He hated it--- and he hated even more knowing that they might end up just hurting him more than they were helping.

He didn’t like the idea at all, but ultimately, Sakuma decided on the only course of action he deemed good enough- he’d go talk to Genda, try to get him to open up and hope for the best. He could only hope that at least a helping hand and lending an ear would be enough to put him more at ease.

Standing in front of the closed door, Sakuma took a deep breath. He had to do it, Genda needed then, even if he refused to admit it. Hesitantly, Sakuma knocked on the door a few times, just enough to announce his presence. There was no answer.

“… Genda…?”

When he knocked again and was once again greeted with silence, Sakuma sighed, carefully turning the doorknob and even more hesitantly pushing the door open.

Inside, Genda was curled up on the bed, back facing him, ears low and tail wrapped around himself, as close as he could manage. Sakuma hated seeing him so hurt.

Sakuma had to force himself to take a step closer, as small as it was.

“Hey… Genda…”

There was no answer. Sakuma didn’t want to think of how much it hurt to know that Genda was willingly trying to ignore him. He shook his head, trying to push those thoughts away- not now. Now, Genda needed him.

“Genda, I-”

“Stop it.”

Sakuma froze in place.

“Genda…?”

Hesitantly, Sakuma took a step closer. He hadn’t even had a chance to utter another word- Genda turned around, fangs bared and a low growl at the back of his throat, ears pressed against his skull. It was a warning.

“Stop. It.” Somehow, Sakuma managed to take a step back, not sure if he was giving him space or was just afraid of his reaction. “I get it- I get it, alright? I know they screwed me up, I know it can’t be fixed and that I can’t go back to normal, I get it! You don’t have to keep pitying me or acting like I’m going to fall apart if you so much as say the wrong thing! I know I’m not fine!”

The very end of his words was followed by another growl, this time louder, nearly a roar, lips peeling back to fully expose all of his sharp teeth, every muscle in his body tense as if prepared to attack.

Then, he actually looked at Sakuma, at his wide eye and at the way his back was pressed against the wall. Like he was trying to hide. Hide from him.

As soon as he realized just what he was doing, Genda froze and lowered his arms, staring in shock, all fighting instinct gone in seconds.

Sakuma didn’t have the time to speak, to even open his mouth and reassure him- Genda turned around, running to the window and rushing to open it.

“Genda, wait-!”

It was too late- Genda didn’t hesitate to jump out of the window, shrugging off the fall as he got back up, nearly tripping over his own feet as he ran, ignoring the screams begging him to stop and come back. Without hesitation, Sakuma ran out of the room and down the stairs, ignoring the confused looks and questions as he rushed outside, door slammed shut behind him. He barely spotted Genda's back and tail as he ran into the forest, not hesitating to follow.

He could feel his heart trying to claw its way out of his chest, beating faster the more he ran and looked around, fear already tightening his throat in his attempts to find Genda- he couldn’t go through this again, he couldn’t lose him again, couldn’t stand to see him hurt again after all that hell, he refused to-

The rustling of leaves nearby caught his attention, snapping him out of his panic just enough to let him listen a little more clearly. Taking a deep breath, just trying to keep himself calm enough to get through this, Sakuma kept listening, trying to be as quiet as he could.

There it was again, leaves rustling, this time a little clearer. It was coming from above. When Sakuma looked up, he saw him.

Genda was curled up on a branch, high enough to try and go unnoticed without risking to fall. Sakuma was just grateful that he had found him, looking up at the tree before sighing. He hated the idea alone, but… he had to talk to Genda. Bracing himself, Sakuma planted his hands on the creaks in the bark and started climbing, making sure of digging his automail into it as much as he could for extra support. As he made his way up, he saw Genda flinch as his ears twitched, now aware of his presence. Sakuma promised to himself that he would apologize for that later.

When he finally reached him, Genda still wasn’t looking at him. Sakuma swallowed hard, just trying to make sure he wouldn’t fall before opening his mouth.

“Genda, I-”

“I’m sorry.”

Sakuma blinked, staring at him- or well, at his back. Of all the things he was expecting, an apology wasn’t one.

“… What?”

“… I’m sorry. You- you’re just trying to help and I just-”

“W-wait- you don’t have to apologize- I am the one that should be apologizing-! I just… I guess I just didn’t want to believe that there was nothing we could do… I’m sorry...”

This time, Genda finally turned around, just enough to glance at him.

“… I’m the one who screwed up.”

“I don’t care-!” He nearly lost his balance when he snapped, having to take a moment just to ensure he wouldn’t break many bones against the ground. Genda panicked, instinctively reaching out to take his hand, just wanting to make sure he wouldn’t get hurt. Sakuma let out a relieved sigh, just better adjusting himself before speaking again. “Genda… listen- I don’t care what you think you did wrong- none of this is your fault, alright? You… you don’t have to blame yourself for anything…”

Genda let out a soft, humorless laugh, more bitter than anything Sakuma had ever heard coming from his mouth.

“You know that’s not true… It’s my fault that this happened to me at all.” He really believed that.

Sakuma wasn’t sure if he was angry at himself, at the bastards who had brought him so much pain and suffering… or if he was just hurt by it all. Genda didn’t deserve this, especially not when it all had happened just because he was too much of a selfless idiot to leave someone in danger and save himself. It wasn’t fair.

“Listen to me- none, and I mean absolutely none- none of this was your fault. Don’t even think for a moment that you’re responsible for any of this mess.”

“… How can you be so sure?”

Sakuma had to look away.

“… because it’s _my_ fault.”

That’s what finally got all of Genda's attention, now finally looking at him, eyes wide like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“What…”

Sakuma took a deep breath. He couldn’t really keep it to himself anymore, not when Genda kept putting himself down and blaming himself for all of this.

“It’s- all of this- it’s all my fault, alright? I know you just- you deserted just because you wanted to help me- and then they came to arrest you for that. If I wasn’t there and you hadn’t found me…”

Because even with Fudou's best attempts at genuinely helping him, the thought refused to leave Sakuma's mind.

Genda's ears dropped, unable to even look at Sakuma now.

“… It’s not your fault. Truth to be told… I probably would have done that anyways, sooner or later. Finding you was just the last push I needed.” He leaned against the tree, letting out a soft, bitter chuckle. “I couldn’t take it anymore… I hated the military so much… I hated what they were doing… but I was too much of a coward to just quit, after knowing the sort of things they could do to anyone they think is against them… I didn’t even join because I wanted to, I already had no loyalty to them, and after their petty war made me an orphan…” He couldn’t keep talking anymore, just curling up against the tree as much as he could, the shame in his voice growing with each word.

“Shut up.” He was tense as soon as he heard that. Sakuma was too angry to really care. “You’re so much better than you think- you’re kind and caring and put so much effort into helping people… and you definitely aren’t a coward. You did what you had to do to survive- no one can blame you for that!”

Genda could only stare at him, eyes wide in clear shock, like he really couldn’t –or didn’t want to- believe what Sakuma was saying. It broke Sakuma's heart a little more, knowing Genda really was struggling to think of himself as anything other than filth. He had never wanted to hurt someone as much as he did then, he had never wanted more to make someone suffer and pay.

“Genda… let’s just go home, please?”

It took a moment, but to his relief, Genda finally nodded. Right on time too- his arms were starting to get really tired from holding onto the tree’s branches like his life depended on it. Which… kinda did, considering they were pretty high up. Getting down was not going to be fun. Sighing, Sakuma just glanced down, trying to find a lower branch with his foot, silently praying that he wouldn’t slip right now.

It took way longer than he would’ve liked to get back on solid ground, even when he knew it was only minutes it felt like hours, maybe even longer. No, he wasn’t being dramatic, it was really that bad.

Genda soon followed, much faster on his feet, his newfound feline agility in full display now. He didn’t even take half of the time Sakuma needed to get down- however, his wince as soon as his bare feet hit the ground didn’t go unnoticed. Sakuma narrowed his eyes, looking him up and down.

“… Where are you hurt?”

Genda flinched, sighing when he realized that there was no way Sakuma would just let this slide. Not like the way he was trying so hard to avoid putting any weight on one of his feet wasn’t already enough of a giveaway.

“… I… might or might not have landed the wrong way…” And that was with him being supposedly half cat now.

Admittedly, escaping from the window was not his wisest decision, regardless of the emotional situation at hand. Still.

With a soft sigh, Sakuma moved to his side, taking Genda's arm to put around his shoulder and offer him some much needed support.

“Come on… let’s just go back now.”

Somehow, once they got back home, Sakuma managed to convince both Kidou and Fudou to calm down and back off, at least for the time being, assuring them that they would have plenty of time to fuss and scold Genda later. It wasn’t really an easy feat when the first thing they saw was Sakuma pretty much carrying Genda all the way back home after leaving in such a rush.

They made their way back to Genda's room, Sakuma helping him sit down to finally rest. Genda sighed in relief, wincing when he moved his foot, even if it was just to get more comfortable.

“Can I take a look?”

After a moment of hesitation, Genda nodded. Sakuma was as careful as he could be, murmuring soft apologies whenever he touched a sore spot and heard Genda hiss.

“We should probably ask someone else to check it later, just in case- but I think it’s just a sprain. You’ll be fine- if you take the time to rest. Got it?” Grumbling, Genda just silently nodded, the only indication that he understood. Sakuma considered it enough of an answer, getting back on his feet and already heading for the door. “Alright then- I’ll go get you some water and painkillers, alright?”

Genda just groaned and nodded, shifting a bit in his attempts to get as comfortable as he could without actually moving his foot, his tail flicking in annoyance… looking actually pretty cute, all things considered. Sakuma nearly punched himself for that thought alone.

Somehow, he still managed to snap himself out it enough to get what Genda needed, pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind and saving them for later. It wasn’t the right time, he told himself, even when part of him still refused to find the one chance he was waiting for.


	22. 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters left.... we gettin there

Things were awkward over the next few days, to say the least- and even that was still an understatement. As much as he tried to get up and go around as usual, Genda was pretty much forced in bed to rest after what they confirmed was a sprained ankle. Even when he insisted that it wasn’t all that bad and it wasn’t even that serious, there was no way to convince any of them to just leave him alone and let him walk without looking like they expected him to fall apart as soon as he tried. Not like he was supposed to walk at all with an injury like that. Even when he could understand their fears, he couldn’t deny that they were starting to get a little bit overbearing. And so, Genda found himself stuck with three very distressed glorified babysitters. In hindsight, maybe he should’ve just kept hiding in the woods. Just maybe.

He was already half animal anyways, running off into the woods to stay there wouldn’t be so hard, right? Not when he was partly a predator, anyways. He could almost hear the mockery at the back of his mind, could almost hear the yells and reminders that he was nothing more than an animal now.

That line of thoughts stopped as soon as he heard the door opening.

“Relax, will you? You’re not under house arrest.”

Fudou was only half joking. Maybe.

“It sure feels like it…” Being confined to his room like that wasn’t helping.

“Can you blame them, though? After all this…”

Genda sighed, not quite looking at him. He knew Fudou was right, he knew he couldn’t blame them for being so afraid after… that- but it still felt awful. And he just felt more guilty realizing just how worried they must be now. Groaning, he just laid down on the bed, tail quickly finding its way between his legs, half wishing that it would just swallow him or something to spare him all the pain. He was almost angry at how easily he had gotten used to the new appendage that should’ve never been there in the first place.

Fudou just sat down on the chair next to the bed, leaving the glass of water he had brought on the nightstand and settling for watching Genda as he tried to disappear into the bed.

“What’s on your mind?”

Genda didn’t answer right away, despite how ready he looked to shrug the question off.

“… I’m being such a burden on everyone now…”

Fudou should’ve seen that coming, really. It didn’t make it any easier to hear.

“Don’t even think that.”

“You know it’s true- I’ve been worrying everyone ever since I got arrested… and now this. I can’t even help anyone like this, I can’t even remember half of the stuff I’m supposed to know- I’ve had to depend on all of you to even just get groceries-!” He cut himself off right as his anger was starting to truly show, his voice almost devolving into a growl. There was still more he refused to say.

Fudou was a little more angry at himself for not helping him sooner.

“Genda…” He had to say something, he knew that much. What could he even say that would be of any help, though?

All Genda did was curl up on his side, back facing him, ears low and tail curling around himself. Not a good sign.

Eventually, he just let out a soft sigh before speaking again.

“I… I really wanted to tell Sakuma, you know…”

Fudou blinked. Did he really mean…?

“Tell him… what?”

Genda curled up on his side a little more, like trying to hide from everything and everyone. Fudou didn’t need to look at him to know there must be a bitter smile on his face.

“You know what I mean. I wanted to tell him how I really feel… and now…”

And now he thought he had lost his chance. Permanently.

“Shut up.”

Genda froze, barely looking over his shoulder to find Fudou's face. Fudou just looked furious, arms crossed like he was trying to keep himself from breaking something, fingers digging into his arms.

“Are you really going to let those bastards keep ruining your life? What happened to you isn’t going to change how Sakuma feels- just look at how much he has done and is still doing for you!”

“But…”

“No buts- you can’t be this blind. He cares about you- more than you think.” He wasn’t going to let Genda keep doubting and second guessing himself, not when he had already suffered enough to feel forced to let go of the one thing he wanted more than anything else. “Just… trust me on this. Please.”

Genda was clearly struggling to believe him. Fudou refused to back down- he refused to let his closest friend, brother even, keep putting himself down and leave him alone to suffer like that.

Finally, he sat up and turned around to actually look at him, the surprise clear on his face.

“… Do you really think it’s alright…?”

Fudou couldn’t really help but scoff, as if the mere thought that he couldn’t was just that unbelievable.

“Of course it is- I told you to trust me on this, didn’t I?” Then, his expression softened. “Just… give it a try, at least. He won’t stop being your friend over this.” He already had a feeling on how Sakuma himself felt, but decided to keep quiet regardless- it was just a gut feeling, he wouldn’t be risking to ruin anything if he was wrong… and it wouldn’t be right anyways, to either of them.

Genda was frowning, but looked like he was at least thinking about it. Fudou really wanted to hope that it was a good thing.

“… But I don’t even know how to tell him.”

“Just- tell him? I don’t know-” now this was far from his area of expertise. “I don’t think he’ll care about how you do it, anyways.” When exactly had he become a love consultant?

Genda just went quiet at that, tail now flicking, frowning as he looked down, deep in thought.

“I’ll… think about it.”

It was more than what Fudou could ask for.


	23. 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i almost forgot i'm still losing my shit over twewy news  
> can't believe i'm almost done posting this fic damn

With his sprained ankle confining him to the bed for some time, Sakuma had decided to try his best to be there for Genda and keeping him company as much as he could. It was the least he could do for him- and he refused to leave Genda alone now that he couldn’t even walk on his own, even if it was just for a while.

It was going great… until he noticed that Genda had gotten more and more quiet around him, almost awkward just by having him around. Saying Sakuma was getting worried over this was an understatement- all he needed was to remember their conversation in the forest on top of that tree, the way things had led to it.

Whatever was going on, he had to find out before things could get that bad again. He couldn’t let it happen again- couldn’t stand seeing Genda that hurt again.

He didn’t really want to ask, not after what happened the last time… but if Genda didn’t want to tell him what was wrong, he really had no choice, did he?

… Not like knowing that made it any easier, though. It was one thing to realize and decide that they needed to talk, for Genda's sake at least- it was another thing entirely to actually get to it and do it without any other incidents.

Unfortunately for him, keeping quiet and dwelling on the issue and whether or not it was worth it to just shut up forever, Sakuma knew he couldn’t keep trying to avoid it anymore.

Like he had already grown used to, Sakuma went up to Genda's room with a warm plate, knocking on the door to be let in. A moment later, Fudou stepped out, just throwing him a weird glance before hurrying to leave. Well, that was weird. He was almost hesitant to step inside.

Genda was sitting on the bed, one leg stretched out to keep his injured ankle safe, the other bent to bring his knee up to his chest, arms crossed and resting over it, almost hiding his face in his arms. His ears occasionally twitched, his tail not quite staying still. Whatever he was thinking about, it must’ve been important to him, he was so absorbed in it that he hadn’t even noticed Sakuma there.

“… Hey? Genda?”

He snapped out of his thoughts, turning his head to look at him, ears standing straight up and tail suddenly still. Well, at least he had his attention, just showing him the tray of food to let him get more comfortable and eat. At least that seemed to help him relax just a bit, a muttered thanks as he accepted the food from his hands. Sakuma just smiled and nodded, taking his place on the char nearby and just watching him eat. He could wait until he was done eating to talk.

At least Genda looked happier while eating, his appetite had slowly returned after all those weeks- even bigger than before, if that was even possible, his usual portions nearly doubling before he could feel satisfied. Sakuma almost wondered if that was also a side effect of the transmutation, quickly pushing that thought away as soon as it came. He looked happy and eager to eat, that was what mattered. Sakuma refused to admit how warm the sight of his smile, finally genuine, truly was.

“It’s really good…” the smile wasn’t leaving his face. “You’ve really improved.” They both remembered just how badly Sakuma's first attempt in the kitchen went, as much as they wanted to forget about it. Sakuma just coughed and looked away, a poor attempt at hiding the blush creeping on his cheeks.

“I-it’s nothing- I learned from you anyways… and from a lot of books…” He was embarrassed to admit how he had stayed up far too late at night just to read recipes and cooking books to get it right. Genda was worth it.

“It’s not nothing- I’m glad you cared enough to keep trying…”

Oh- now Sakuma had to try _really_ hard to keep his composure and not combust on the spot. He almost forgot about what he wanted to ask- almost.

He hated doing that now, not when Genda looked so at ease for once… but he couldn’t keep putting this off any longer. And so, he took a deep breath. He could do this, it was fine- or so he wanted to believe.

“A-anyways…” Now he had Genda's full attention. “I just- I just wanted to ask if… if something’s wrong. You… kinda seem… different around me now… Did I do something wrong…?”

Genda suddenly froze. Now Sakuma regretted saying anything at all- way to ruin everything even more, he just had to open his mouth and-

“I-it’s nothing, r-really-” except it was most definitely something, considering how red he suddenly looked.

“I-it’s fine, I’m sorry, you don’t have to say anything-”

“Promise you won’t laugh…? Or be mad?”

Sakuma stopped mid rambling, blinking as he stared at Genda. He looked… embarrassed, almost ashamed now, tail moving to curl around himself, not quite managing to look at him anymore.

“I… of course. I promise. Whatever it is… you can trust me.” carefully, Sakuma inched closer to him, gently taking his hand for reassurance and comfort. He almost let go of it when Genda flinched, only convincing himself that it was alright when Genda didn’t push him away or take back his hand.

At first, Genda wasn’t speaking. Sakuma didn’t mind, just let him take as much time as he needed to feel ready.

Then, Genda took a deep breath and finally dared to look at him in the eye.

“I… Sakuma… I- I like you-!”

Just like that, Genda cut himself off, eyes wide and a hand slapping over his mouth, like he still couldn’t quite believe just what he had done. Like he was already regretting it.

Sakuma just… sat there in silence. Like his words hadn’t registered in his mind yet.

Genda looked ready to run.

“I- I’m sorry- I know I shouldn’t- I know no one would want something like this, I just-”

His increasingly frantic and self-deprecating rambling was cut short when Sakuma wordlessly wrapped his arms around him, holding him close and without hesitation into a hug and refusing to let go.

Truth to be told… Sakuma wanted to just kiss him to shut him up more than anything else. He only stopped himself before he could act so recklessly when he reminded himself that right now, Genda was already overwhelmed enough with his own thoughts and feelings to add to that, even if it was with good intentions. There would be time for that later, Sakuma hoped.

“Stop that… why do you think I would care about what you are now?”

It was hurting him to hear that, to finally know that Genda was so hesitant and doubtful because he truly believed he wasn’t worthy of love, despite it all. Sakuma refused to let this slide and leave him to keep suffering in silence. He had already gone through enough of that.

“You… but…”

“I mean it…” Now it was Sakuma's turn. Maybe the situation wasn’t exactly ideal… but Genda needed that reassurance now. Needed to know he wasn’t a burden or unwanted. “… I like you too. So please, believe me when I say that I don’t care… I want _you_ \- no matter how you look.”

“You… you really mean that…?”

Sakuma didn’t even think before nodding. He would give Genda all the support he needed, no matter what- it was a promise.

Finally, Genda allowed himself to relax into the hug, still hesitant and almost lost, but more at ease than minutes ago. Sakuma couldn’t even begin to describe his relief, not even thinking just yet about what they both had just admitted to. Seeing Genda happy, feeling him so at ease, made everything worth it.

Sakuma was reluctant to pull away- as much as he wanted to just stay there and keep holding him, he still had things to take care of around the house. Even when the thought of leaving Fudou to suffer with the chores was a tempting one, admittedly.

“I-I should go take care of the dishes and-”

“Wait, I’ll help-”

Sakuma didn’t really have the time to stop him from hopping off the bed- and hissing in pain as he almost fell back on it, his ankle protesting at all the weight put so suddenly on it. Sakuma just sighed as Genda massaged his throbbing ankle, muttering curses and complaints under his breath. They still had a lot to work on, clearly. At least he could hope for things to get easier now… somewhat.


	24. 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go, last chapter of the fic! I almost forgot that it's friday honestly-
> 
> Not gonna lie, I'm pretty happy with how this fic went, even though that's mostly because of how self indulgent it was. I'm still glad that I wrote it, it was honestly fun once it started off. I kinda miss it already even though it was all written already-
> 
> Going to take a small break from multichapters to figure things out and get to writing some more stuff, I already have a few ideas in mind but I need to take my time writing them nicely, can't wait to get to that, though! I hope you'll enjoy them and this fic as much as I did :)

"So... you really don't mind?"

"No."

"Not at all?"

"Not at all."

"... But are you sure? Completely sure?"

Sakuma just rolled his eye, grabbing the front of his shirt to pull him closer, planting a kiss on his lips just a tad too roughly. Genda didn't mind, his ears dropping and his tail gently swaying behind him as he just enjoyed the kiss, relaxing into it. When Sakuma pulled back, there was a smirk on his face.

"Does that answer your question?"

Genda just pouted.

"I don't know... maybe you need to try that again just to be sure-" that little shit. Not like Sakuma was against kissing him over and over to push away his fears and insecurities, just to remind him that he was truly loved like he deserved.

Before either of them could really think about it, they were already in the bed, just holding each other as they laughed together, doing nothing but enjoying the moment. The circumstances might’ve ended up being far more different than what he expected, but Sakuma couldn’t have been happier now that he was with the love of his life. Maybe, just maybe, what they both had to go through to get to this, all the pain and suffering constantly thrown at them, wasn’t worth it- but maybe it didn’t matter so much either way.

At some point, one of Sakuma's hands wandered to Genda's messy hair without even thinking about it, gently stroking it, eventually finding one of his soft ears, fingers gently scratching it. He loved feeling his hair and fur alike, surprisingly soft despite how much of a mess it usually was. Genda was so relaxed so quickly, Sakuma could almost picture a cat completely at ease.

Then, he heard the soft purring.

After that first night seeing him do such a thing, Sakuma had been much more careful of what he did and how he touched him- he remembered all too well the shame in his voice and face, didn’t want to make him suffer like that again, didn’t want to see him feeling so terrible and self-conscious again over something he had no way of controlling. Just as expected, Genda did pull away, looking away, shame already creeping on his face and looking ready to hide. This time, though, Sakuma wouldn’t just let it slide- and so he took his hand, gently but firmly, getting his attention. Genda blinked, looking down at their held hands, the slight redness on his cheeks now because of something else entirely.

“You don’t have to feel ashamed, alright? Even if you can feel those animal instincts… that doesn’t make you any less human, especially to any of us. You’re still the same friend we all care for.”

Genda couldn’t help but stare at him, eyes wide, struggling to believe him. It hurt to still see him doubt himself so much, to see him still think that maybe he wasn’t as deserving of kindness anymore, but if he could do anything about it, then Sakuma would do it, no matter what it took. Genda deserved so much more and so much better.

“You… you r-really… think that…?”

Sakuma didn’t even hesitate to nod, completely serious.

“I wouldn’t doubt it once- I don’t care if you’re different now, you’re still Genda. That’s all that matters.”

That was all it took for Genda to go right back to clinging to him, holding him as tightly as he could- maybe a little bit too tightly for comfort, but Sakuma wasn’t really going to complain, not when Genda needed this. They could work on helping him figure out and control his strength later- now it was the time for sharing the affection and love they both needed. He gladly hugged him back, a moment later letting his hand rest on top of his head again, fingers gently and carefully threading it, running through it in slow and soothing motions.

When Genda started purring again, he didn’t pull back this time, just kept holding Sakuma close, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. Sakuma could feel the faint smile against his skin, couldn’t be happier to know it was there, to know Genda wasn’t feeling as terrible as before. It would still take time to get him completely used to it, to make him feel more comfortable and welcomed, but it already was more progress than what Sakuma ever thought he could hope for. It was a reminder that they were still moving forward, that not all was lost. That they were healing, Genda especially- just like he deserved. Sakuma just hoped that things would keep being this good as they moved forward.

Their improvised cuddling session eventually came to a halt- because Genda had happily gotten more comfortable snuggled into his now boyfriend’s hug and dozed off, a soft smile on his face and looking happier than he had in weeks. It was unfair how cute he was all relaxed and clinging to him like that, really. Sakuma had no choice but to stay there- he couldn’t wake him up now, he didn’t have the heart to. He just did his best to get as comfortable as he could in his current position without waking him up, pulling the blankets closer just enough to at least cover him and keep him warm, sighing as he went back to holding him. Maybe he could allow himself to rest too, at least for a little while.

Looking down at Genda as he slept peacefully, still clinging to him, purring as he refused to let go of his boyfriend, Sakuma couldn’t help his smile, gently brushing his hair as he leaned in to kiss his cheek.

They were still healing, still pulling through everything and still learning to move on, but it was alright. They were together, they wouldn’t have to be hurting alone anymore. They were there for each other. Sakuma couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend, partner, soulmate.

They would be okay, because they were together.


End file.
